The Black Snob

Regular Snob reader The Blue alerted me of some “reverse oreo” chatter involving Ed Bradley Award for Journalistic Hotness winner, #5 Don “Lover” Lemon on the Huffington Post. Naturally I ran over there with the quickness to investigate and found this.

(To only see the video, click here.)

What’s hilarious is how SERIOUS most of the posters on HuffPo take the whole thing, essentially acting like it’s the end of TV news.

Oh my God, someone said reverse oreo there and now let’s have a dissertation about miscegenation and big black buck myths. How dare those two tramps trivialize our holy, sacred news!

Getting giggly over Lemon lightly hinting at being in the middle of a white lady sandwich is not the end of TV news. Paris Hilton being dragged to court with TV helicopters zig zagging over Los Angeles while FOX and CNN carry it all live? That is the end of news. Perspective! This was just folks being goofy on the CNN. The thing is on for 24 hours. You can’t expect Kyra Phillips to hold back her Mandingo fantasies with the likes of Don Lemon and TJ Holmes running around. As long as she doesn’t start openly hitting on Lemon on the air calling herself Sexual White Chocolate, I’m going to just laugh at this because it’s funny.

Hello, I’m the Black Snob and my mother is a Clinton apologist.

The Clintons with all their good points and flaws are in a battle royal for the Democratic nomination with one charming senator from Illinois, Barack Obama. They get a lot of criticism, a lot of attention. After Obama’s South Carolina win, Bill Clinton said this.

This lead to one of the most irritating conversations I’ve ever had with my mother. Last night she was befuddled as to why everyone is so upset about Bill Clinton’s Jesse/Barack comparison. I told her that in ’84 and ’88 Jackson did not have a chance of winning the nomination and was running on a Civil Rights platform backed heavily by African Americans. South Carolina was the only state Jackson won, and (I think) in both cases the race was largely moot by the time it got to South Carolina.

Bill Clinton was minimizing the significance of Obama’s SC win by equating it with Jacksons’ two wins. This was a too cute, jerk move considering Jesse never won any other states and did not win SC by a huge margin, unlike Obama who’s snagged two wins in a hotly contested race.

But could my mother grasp that? No. Because she’s a Clinton apologist. She felt it was a fair assesment and didn’t see what the big deal was. She said if Obama couldn’t handle something as benign as this he shouldn’t be running.

Now, mind you, I felt like the Obama camp wasted a lot of energy getting all prickly over Bill Clinton running his mouth, but this “Jesse won SC, therefore Obama is Jesse” argument is patently false. Yet my mother is incapable of acknowledging that Clinton was being a dick. Somehow she thought this was a compliment arguing that the critics were diminishing Jesse’s win by drawing that inference.

I know she doesn’t want to agree with the pundits who relish over ever fart and gurgle coming out of the Clinton campaign, but truths are truths – Bill Clinton’s statement was code for, “A black man can’t get elected.” You can argue that Obama needs to avoid the traps Clinton has set for him. But don’t act like you don’t know what Bill Clinton is doing!

My GOD, it was maddening. Comparing Barack to Jesse is like comparing Martin Luther King Jr. and Stokely Carmichael. The only reason why you’d compare to very different things with only general similarities is because you’re trying to label one of the two things as irrelevant and akin to the lesser of the two things.

But she really didn’t see that.

It was just maddening. In the end she concluded that Obama’s folks were just whining. I pointed out that whether or not Obama’s folks were whining was irrelevant. We were merely judging the intent of Clinton’s statement, not Obama’s response. But she concluded there was no malevolent intent at all.

So I gave up.

I know she doesn’t want to bash Bill Clinton, but do you have to pretend he’s being innocent in all of this? You don’t have to hate Slick Willy to acknowledge that he’s being an ass. I don’t hate Bill Clinton and I can say BILL CLINTON IS BEING AN ASS! Is it that hard? Don’t throw dirt on Obama’s accomplishments just because he had the gall to run the same year as Hillary.

I know it’s hard for her to fall in love with the new guy who’s not a civil rights activist who’s dedicated his career to fulfilling Martin Luther King’s body of work. But considering she raised me not to be a warrior in the movement, but just a regular person with a degree, you’d think she could cut Obama some slack. Last I heard, no black folks on the south side of Chicago were bitching about him. He has worked extensively in the black community. He’s is visibly a black man. Give him a break. You can’t honestly believe Hillary’s more “qualified.”

Sigh. This is worse than our conversations about religion. I’m a Jesus sympathizer and she raised me to be a secularist.

Fun times.

Actor Wesley Snipes talks to the media as he walks into the Golden-Collum Memorial Federal Building and U.S. Courthouse in Ocala, Fla. on Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2007. Closing arguments in Snipes’ tax-fraud case were to begin this morning, with the case expected to go to a jury this afternoon. (AP) Hmm, which Civil Right’s Era guy does he look like here?

Remember the 1990s when Wesley Snipes was gainfully employed? Riding high even off acclaim in films like Spike Lee’s “Jungle Fever” and “Mo’ Betta Blues?” Remember the line, “Always bet on black,” that he uttered in the cool-at-the-time action flick “Passenger 57?”

Remember when he was relevant? Credited with making dark skinned brothers hip and sexy in Hollywood? Gosh, that seems so long ago. I forgot what a big action star he was (“US Marshals,” “Demolition Man,” “The Art of War”) and how great he was in “White Men Can’t Jump.” Remember him Scarfacing it up in “New Jack City” and how NOT believable it was when Ice-T managed to beat up Nino Brown? Wesley was big! Then Wesley pissed off half his fan base, black women, in an Ebony Magazine article. Then Wesley’s star power wained. Then Wesley got a great boost starring in the “Blade” trilogy (and he was pretty awesome in the first two films). Then Wesley went bat-shit insane.

Now he’s getting prosecuted for scamming the IRS because he fell into some bogus scheme where he didn’t give the government their cut for his 90s paydays. IRS prosecutors claim that Snipes and his cohorts fell into the whole “tax avoidance” movement which has thrived on the internet and leading to some other high profile cases, like a couple who barricaded themselves inside their home to avoid arrest by federal agents last year.

Wesley, obviously, did not learn from previous stars like Sammy “Jo-Jo Dancer Your Life Is Calling” Davis Jr., comedian Redd Foxx, Godfather of Soul James Brown, country icon Willie Nelson and Ron “Mr. Biggs” Isley, the IRS might not get you today, it might not get you tomorrow, but Uncle Sam is going to get his eventually.

But why should that stop Snipes’ lawyers from arguing that this is not a fraud case, but merely a “disagreement” with the IRS over the $12 million he conned out of the government.

From the Associated Press:

Defense attorney Robert Barnes conceded Snipes’ arguments may have been crazy, but insisted that didn’t make them criminal.

“Disagreement with the IRS is not fraud of the IRS, is not deception,” Barnes said. “It was an attempt to engage the IRS, to go through the IRS procedures and processes and see who’s right.”

Of course, the IRS is salivating at the prospect of prosecuting him, but not because of the money. They want to send a message to other people who use the whole “you don’t have to pay taxes” mumbo jumbo to circumvent the government.

“People who do it openly and notoriously, you’ve got to go after them,” said Sheldon Cohen, who was IRS commissioner and general counsel in the 1960s. “Not because he’s that important or the amount of money is that important, but because there are others who may be foolish enough to follow.”

I’m actually kind of sad because Wesley was always, for me, the more action oriented contemporary to Denzel Washington. (Heck, I’d gather he made more bank in the 90s than Denzel.) They were both equally good actors, with Wesley pulling off a style that was half-method acting, half-classically trained. The brother could do Shakespeare! I didn’t necessarily find him all that attractive, but he had sex appeal, and with the 90 billion black and brown people crammed into the Matrix sequels it amazes me that no one could make room for martial arts star/action dynamo Wesley Snipes? No room in any of the X-Men films? I understood him being a little uppity over Hollywood, (See Isaiah Washington, who is essentially, Wesley Snipes-lite), but he should have known better than getting involved in that tax scheme.

Those angry black women from the 90s are going to seem like a dream compared to the 16 years he may be facing in prison.

This has nothing to do with the politics of blackness, but as a reformed My Little Pony collector, I busted a gut.

British Golfer/Trainwreck Fashonista Ian Poulter (seen here in some ugly-ass pants) is putting the threatdown on Tiger Woods. Good luck, buddy. I’ve seen this movie before and it doesn’t end pretty.

A lot of golfers have looked into the abyss of Tiger Woods’ Dark Lord of the Sith level golf skills and have been humbled. But this dude is going to attempt to channel is inner Ben Hogan Kenobi.

Said potential Tiger slayer to Reuters:

The outspoken Ian Poulter caused a stir on the eve of the Dubai Desert Classic by saying he was the only player capable of challenging the supremacy of world number one Tiger Woods.

“The trouble is I don’t rate anyone else,” the 32-year-old Briton was quoted as saying in the March edition of Golf World magazine.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven’t played to my full potential and when that happens, it will be just me and Tiger.”

Nice. But like a boxer calling out Muhammad Ali for a title fight, don’t be surprised if your ass-clownery gets you faced.

Take the story of the gigantic, young version of George Foreman who was so deft in his skills that many feared he could kill a man in the ring. Friends of Ali feared he’d hurt Ali who was off his game over his refusal to report for the military draft.

But then came 1974′s “The Rumble In the Jungle,” brought you by Dictator Mobutu Sese Seku’s keptocracy and the man who inspired one of actor Ving Rhames’ finest performances. During this event, as we all know, Ali took a hell of a lot of punches, tired George out, then reduced him to a historical footnote when Ali knocked him out in the 8th. Foreman was so shattered by the experience that he would not box again until the freakin’ 90s when he was 45. By then Ali was no longer able to threaten anyone in the ring as he was hobbled by Parkinson’s.

But my point is this — Foreman actually held the heavyweight title, had beaten all rivals and had the potential to murder someone in the ring. If a top-line Foreman could not crush Ali, who was never as scarily powerful as Foreman, how can you expect to beat Tiger Woods?

Sayeth Ian:

The Englishman, asked by the magazine to predict the winner of the first major of the season at the U.S. Masters in April, replied: “Put Tiger down for that one”.

For the year’s second major at the U.S. Open, he said: “You can put me down for that one”.

Poulter, pictured nude in the magazine with only a carefully-placed golf bag guarding his modesty, heaped praise on Woods who makes a rare foray to the European Tour for this week’s Dubai event.

“Tiger is one in a million,” he said. “Actually Tiger is one in 10 million.

“He is extraordinary. If you look at the rankings he is almost two and a half times better than the guy in second place.”

What are you going to do, Mr. #22 in the world, golf punk purveyor Ian Poulter?

Tiger’s not hurt, old, out-of-shape, coming off a long-retirement or in the midst of a cold streak. And what? Are you going to wait it out? Golfers can golf into their 60s before trotting off to the senior circuit. And unlike boxing, where you take your opponent head-on, this is golf. Your competition is the course and your nerves. Golf is psychological. Guys crash and burn going up against Tiger because they spend the whole game playing catch up, trying to pull off crazy moves out of frustration.

I’m not saying Poulter can’t beat Tiger. The chances are he could and will. You have to be extremely talented to be on the fringe of the top twenty. But pre-Tiger Woods Era it was unheard of for a golfer to win at high consistency, let alone win back-to-back. Golf is not an easy game. It’s the chess of the sports world, only it’s a game of chess where the board keeps changing and you play against yourself hoping that your score at the end is lower than everyone else’s. So your best bet is a Tiger cold streak and even then you’d have to play against the course and all the other top twenty golfers trying to capitalize on a Tiger Woods cold streak.

But I admire your moxie. It’s like calling out 90s Michael Jordan or the Showtime era LA Lakers for a game. Or threatening the Patriots of today or the Dallas Cowboys of the 70s and 90s. Ballsy. Stupid, but ballsy. But you better do something to get Tiger’s attention fast, because the only golfer Tiger is competing with is Jack Nickalus.

And you, sir, are noooo Jack Nickalus.

Edwards is dropping out. Yeah, yeah … but will that help or hurt Obama? Who are those 15 percent Edwards folks going to break for and was Obama’s statement on Johnny Handsome’s exit a “hint, hint, wink, wink” for yet another high profile endorsement for Team Obama? So many questions.

Oh, and Guiliani called it quits. Will probably endorse McCain. Another one bites the dust. Good Hair Mitt is going to stick with it even though it seems everyone in the race hates him. He’ll hit up the ATM and yank out a few more millions and try to buy himself a presidency. I do love watching Mitt’s various transformations. From Steve Forbes to Guy Smiley (see photo) to the “what can I say to get you to vote for me today?” guy. “Does it help if I take my jacket off and roll up my sleeves? How about if I let my hair get a little tousled? What if I hijack Obama’s ‘change’ message? What if I wear a traditional Cuban shirt? What if I just give you $100? Would you like $100?“

Once upon a time in 1999, I was to wed a fellow, let’s call him, Grady McShady. I was in the midst of planning a wedding that McShady kept getting more and more controlling over. Then, when I was at wits end with him he told me he wanted to be married in full African regalia and I tried really, really hard to wrap my head around it. I tried to see the kente cloth, the royal blue bulky fabric, the unflattering shape that was not a white, poofy dress and tried to imagine it on myself, but it was so, so hard. I tried to bargain with him, that maybe he and the other groomsmen could wear kente cummerbunds and we could jump a broom but he put his foot down saying he would either get his African wedding or there would be no fancy ceremony at all.

So we got married in 2001 at a justice of the peace in Texas.

Long story short, it didn’t work out. But the point of this story is that I learned from my ex that there was a limit to my blackness. I told him I did not want my wedding to be a political statement. It is obvious that we are black people. It is obvious that we are from African descent, but I am an American woman. I want my big poofy white dress! I want big hair and Luther Vandross singing “Always and Forever.” Didn’t he understand you do not rob a woman of her dream wedding? So even though my future ex-husband McShady threw it in my face that my blackness was questionable because I didn’t want to wear this, his threats did not change my opinion about this dress debacle. There were other issues in that past relationship that I’ll probably blog about another day, but basically, what I want to know is … what is your limit to your blackness?

Some folks limit are defending R. Kelly and other black superstars who screw up. Others it’s using the term African American when they feel they have nothing to do with Africa. Some go into apoplectic shock over Black History Month (either because they hate the cheesiness or are insulted about the whole cramming-150-years-of-black-history-in-28-days thing) I draw the line at using weddings as political statements and celebrating Kwanzaa*.

I will teach my future children black history. I will drag them to the Civil Rights Museum and the Slavery Museum whenever it ever gets finished. I will tell them about Barack Obama’s run for the presidency and encourage them to love and embrace their culture and the beauty of black people, African and African American alike. But I’m not wearing traditional Nigerian garb at my wedding and I’m not celebrating Kwanzaa.

And OJ killed Nicole Simpson.

That said, what is your limit?

*Seriously, no disrespect but what the hell is Kwanzaa? As a reporter I was constantly assigned the black folks charity/pity assignment that was the Kwanzaa holiday. My editors never wanted to hear about black folks the other 359 days of the year, but come Kwanzaa time there’s a pathetic attempt at acknowledging that Negroes exist. No matter how many times I was explained the significance of the days and how the holiday encouraged blacks to have better self-esteem, be business-owners and foster stewardship over their communities I would have to do my damnedest to stop the eye-rolling. We couldn’t discuss black stewardship and fidelity on another holiday? Holidays are supposed to be fun or profound, not a civics lessons. Take Juneteenth, a black Texas holiday I celebrated as a child with my Texan-born father. It’s about celebrating the end of slavery. Now, that’s a holiday! That means something! We’re FREE, let’s throw the biggest party Texas has ever seen! Don’t make up a holiday when there are perfectly good holidays (King Day and Juneteenth) that are often under celebrated by blacks.

Hillary Clinton handsomely won the Geritol State’s Democratic popularity contest. Proving that while some would shrug and move on, Hillary always pushes the limits of booty-butt-naked ambition like any good Clinton would.

Even though everyone agreed months ago that Florida’s primary would not count and that Florida has been stripped of its delegates, Clinton is lobbying party leaders to get those delegates (that she would win) back in play.

Really? I call both bollocks and shenanigans!

There is a part of me that admires the Clintons’ shame-free ruthlessness, especially when it was trained on the Republicans. I don’t enjoy seeing it deployed in Dem-on-Dem violence, but I’m amazed at the nutso nature of her latest attempt at political jujitsu. It’s all an effort to bring down the high of the Kennedy legacy endorsement Obama received (and to scoop up delegates if we go to a brokered convention). It’s like the whole Vegas gambit and just like there I believe Clinton will push the issue and lose.

But, wow, I’m watching her throw a party for herself in Florida on MSNBC right now and, man, if you’re into the ultimate display of carefully calculated political manipulation she has painted the inauthenticity masterpiece. Bill (naturally) is a master of this. He probably suggested she try to pull off this media coup de grace. Instead of talking about Obama’s next move the pundits will have a Clinton-hate orgy over this, causing the pundits to go overboard (as they always do) and cause a backlash that leads to people being more sympathetic to the Clintons rather than pissed off. And they’ll be doubly sympathetic after the Bill n’ Hill Show charms the pants off everyone while simultaneously wagging their finger of shame on the only people despised more than them — the media.

Just like if you accused the Clintons of eating a baby at least 40 percent of Americans would think it was plausible. But have the media accused of infant cannibalism and the streets would flow with the blood of Chris Matthews and everyone at FOX News. Even Alan Colmes. Probably for being so tepid about everything, so I guess that would be a mercy killing.

Anyway, brava, Hillary Clinton and your pundit pissing off moment! It won’t work for more than five minutes, but I know, in your mind, that was all you needed.

Side note: John McCain is ahead of Mitt Romney. I’m pulling for Romney in the hopes of causing more chaos on the Republican side. This election is still the Dems to lose considering how angry everyone is at the Republicans right now with their Don Quixote excursions into the Middle East (McCain), neck twisting double-talk (Romney) and promises of getting some deity into the godless constitution courtesy of Mike Huckabee. Yeah, it’s party suicide over there.

I repeat. Don’t mess this up, Dems! Don’t snatch defeat from the jaws of President-elect Barack Obama!

Side note II: The New York chapter of the National Organization for Women (NOW) apparently stepped off the reservation when they tagged Teddy as a traitor for choosing a man over the woman who may become the first woman president. I thought that was really bizarre, considering Teddy’s track record as a support of women’s rights and women’s issues. I hate to bust out with a tired, sexist cliche, but was it that time of the month over there? Just say you back Hillary. Don’t beat down folks over it because they chose not!Hillary. What the hizzell? Seriously. Can we stop the black-liberal-on-black-liberal, women-activist-on-women-activist-supporter violence? To quote the Civil Rights pioneers of the 1960s, keep your eyes on the prize! Don’t fuck this up, liberals! I swear. If I have to live under another Republican regime promising of more wars and more black folks in prison I will be very, very disappointed.

And I might cause you physical harm if I see you walking down my street.

Black celebrity gossip site Bossip regularly irritates me with their use of misogynist terms to denigrate black women. One of the regular features is “Ho Sit Down” which disparages all blacks who support Clinton over Obama as essentially “hoes.” This is very vulgar, like a lot of their terms Bossip uses regularly to describe black people.

This time they applied it to former poet laureate Maya Angelou who has come out for Hillary Clinton. On top of the whole “Ho Sit Down” thing, they go on to mock her as having a “slave” mentality and use vulgar terms against Angelou.

I understand their support of Barack Obama, but I think that if the Obama camp knew about this site’s endorsement they would say thanks, but no thanks.

Also, judging from the outcry in the comments section, I’m not the only one who may be giving up on the consistently negative and vulgar Bossip for good.

Jena 6 protesters in Washington, D.C. in 2007 and Civil Rights protesters in 1960s Seattle, Wash.

I found this comment lurking in the latest Bossip post (“JFK 2.0???“) on Obama, highlighting the Kennedy endorsement. It’s by someone going by the moniker “Crazy Black Lady.”

“Motor Mouth” Maxine Waters just (sic) endored billary clinton for president. These niggers need to get out the way and let us have our moment.

Now I respect people’s opinions but I see comments like these popping up on black topical blogs all the time, sidestepping the fact that the whole point of the Civil Rights Movement was to give people opportunities and choices. I wish Waters had backed Obama, but I respect her choice. Plus, I feel like these comments contradict the message Obama is trying to send. After all, the same people who are backing Hillary Clinton, like former NYC Mayor David Dinkins and Rep. Charlie Rangel of New York, will all, most assuredly, back Obama if he gets the nomination.

Arguing that black people should solely support Obama based on traditional black fidelity is just as ridiculous as whites backing various Republican nominees based solely on religion or whiteness. I want people to be for Obama because of his credentials, background and policy ideas along with the pride many feel about Obama being a symbol of black achievement and potential.

Also, brandishing African Americans who have fought tirelessly for the rights and concerns of African Americans as “sell-outs” is beyond ridiculous. These people aren’t Alan Keyes, JC Watts or Armstrong Williams. Although I also don’t feel like we should stamp scarlet letters on the chests of Black Republicans for going against type. Even some of the sell-out claims levied against them are unwarranted and I consider their actions and views far more dangerous than Andrew Young’s shameless defense of the Clintons.

I also think there is a degree of naivety with some young African Americans on the level of racial progress. Many were outraged and sympathetic to the plight of the Jena 6, but are now arguing that the racial conflicts that have existed since America’s inception are no longer relevant; that older blacks are still waging wars of the past. But how can racial rifts be healed when African American men make up half of the prison population when blacks are only 12 percent of the country? How can things be healed when blacks are still disenfranchised across the south, when most blacks attend inferior schools and run higher poverty rates than whites? The racial divide is deep and is felt throughout society. One can argue that the methodology of many Civil Rights Era fighters is out-of-date and inadequate (which in a lot of ways, it is), but one can’t gloss over the serious problems within the black community and the serious issues many whites still have regarding black people.

Once again, the Jena 6, are a good example of this. Young African Americans banded together and used social networking groups on the internet and radio personalities to get the message out and organize one of the largest protest marches in recent history. There’s no denial of that. When the mainstream media peppered long time activists Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton on how the protest was organized both were forthright in pointing out they largely had little to do with it and attributed the success to others. The young were able to use the media of today to update and modernize Civil Rights protests. This was a wonderful step in the right direction. But I feel like both the young and old need each other to get things done. I just don’t believe in bashing people who have fought and sacrificed on our behalf. Frustration and anger is OK and criticism is warranted and needed, but I’d rather see younger blacks try to lobby their elders to Barack Obama’s campaign than spit invective in their faces for playing it safe with Hillary Clinton.

It’s like cursing out your own grandmother because she doesn’t like your dreadlocks. Your grandmother may be woefully out of touch but she’s still your grandmother. Politely disagree with her, keep your dreds and allow love to overcome a generational divide.

I don’t know. Am I wrong because I don’t want to throw my grandparents under the bus? These people may be nuts but like it our not, they’re our nuts.