The Black Snob

Politics. Pop Culture. Pretentiousness.

Archive for January 2008

"Reverse Oreo?"

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Regular Snob reader The Blue alerted me of some “reverse oreo” chatter involving Ed Bradley Award for Journalistic Hotness winner, #5 Don “Lover” Lemon on the Huffington Post. Naturally I ran over there with the quickness to investigate and found this.

(To only see the video, click here.)

What’s hilarious is how SERIOUS most of the posters on HuffPo take the whole thing, essentially acting like it’s the end of TV news.

Oh my God, someone said reverse oreo there and now let’s have a dissertation about miscegenation and big black buck myths. How dare those two tramps trivialize our holy, sacred news!

Getting giggly over Lemon lightly hinting at being in the middle of a white lady sandwich is not the end of TV news. Paris Hilton being dragged to court with TV helicopters zig zagging over Los Angeles while FOX and CNN carry it all live? That is the end of news. Perspective! This was just folks being goofy on the CNN. The thing is on for 24 hours. You can’t expect Kyra Phillips to hold back her Mandingo fantasies with the likes of Don Lemon and TJ Holmes running around. As long as she doesn’t start openly hitting on Lemon on the air calling herself Sexual White Chocolate, I’m going to just laugh at this because it’s funny.

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Written by blacksnob

January 31, 2008 at 6:54 pm

Posted in black media, CNN, news

My mother, the Clinton apologist

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Hello, I’m the Black Snob and my mother is a Clinton apologist.

The Clintons with all their good points and flaws are in a battle royal for the Democratic nomination with one charming senator from Illinois, Barack Obama. They get a lot of criticism, a lot of attention. After Obama’s South Carolina win, Bill Clinton said this.

This lead to one of the most irritating conversations I’ve ever had with my mother. Last night she was befuddled as to why everyone is so upset about Bill Clinton’s Jesse/Barack comparison. I told her that in ’84 and ’88 Jackson did not have a chance of winning the nomination and was running on a Civil Rights platform backed heavily by African Americans. South Carolina was the only state Jackson won, and (I think) in both cases the race was largely moot by the time it got to South Carolina.

Bill Clinton was minimizing the significance of Obama’s SC win by equating it with Jacksons’ two wins. This was a too cute, jerk move considering Jesse never won any other states and did not win SC by a huge margin, unlike Obama who’s snagged two wins in a hotly contested race.

But could my mother grasp that? No. Because she’s a Clinton apologist. She felt it was a fair assesment and didn’t see what the big deal was. She said if Obama couldn’t handle something as benign as this he shouldn’t be running.

Now, mind you, I felt like the Obama camp wasted a lot of energy getting all prickly over Bill Clinton running his mouth, but this “Jesse won SC, therefore Obama is Jesse” argument is patently false. Yet my mother is incapable of acknowledging that Clinton was being a dick. Somehow she thought this was a compliment arguing that the critics were diminishing Jesse’s win by drawing that inference.

I know she doesn’t want to agree with the pundits who relish over ever fart and gurgle coming out of the Clinton campaign, but truths are truths – Bill Clinton’s statement was code for, “A black man can’t get elected.” You can argue that Obama needs to avoid the traps Clinton has set for him. But don’t act like you don’t know what Bill Clinton is doing!

My GOD, it was maddening. Comparing Barack to Jesse is like comparing Martin Luther King Jr. and Stokely Carmichael. The only reason why you’d compare to very different things with only general similarities is because you’re trying to label one of the two things as irrelevant and akin to the lesser of the two things.

But she really didn’t see that.

It was just maddening. In the end she concluded that Obama’s folks were just whining. I pointed out that whether or not Obama’s folks were whining was irrelevant. We were merely judging the intent of Clinton’s statement, not Obama’s response. But she concluded there was no malevolent intent at all.

So I gave up.

I know she doesn’t want to bash Bill Clinton, but do you have to pretend he’s being innocent in all of this? You don’t have to hate Slick Willy to acknowledge that he’s being an ass. I don’t hate Bill Clinton and I can say BILL CLINTON IS BEING AN ASS! Is it that hard? Don’t throw dirt on Obama’s accomplishments just because he had the gall to run the same year as Hillary.

I know it’s hard for her to fall in love with the new guy who’s not a civil rights activist who’s dedicated his career to fulfilling Martin Luther King’s body of work. But considering she raised me not to be a warrior in the movement, but just a regular person with a degree, you’d think she could cut Obama some slack. Last I heard, no black folks on the south side of Chicago were bitching about him. He has worked extensively in the black community. He’s is visibly a black man. Give him a break. You can’t honestly believe Hillary’s more “qualified.”

Sigh. This is worse than our conversations about religion. I’m a Jesus sympathizer and she raised me to be a secularist.

Fun times.

Written by blacksnob

January 31, 2008 at 4:03 pm

When Ego Attacks: Wesley Snipes Edition

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Actor Wesley Snipes talks to the media as he walks into the Golden-Collum Memorial Federal Building and U.S. Courthouse in Ocala, Fla. on Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2007. Closing arguments in Snipes’ tax-fraud case were to begin this morning, with the case expected to go to a jury this afternoon. (AP) Hmm, which Civil Right’s Era guy does he look like here?

Remember the 1990s when Wesley Snipes was gainfully employed? Riding high even off acclaim in films like Spike Lee’s “Jungle Fever” and “Mo’ Betta Blues?” Remember the line, “Always bet on black,” that he uttered in the cool-at-the-time action flick “Passenger 57?”

Remember when he was relevant? Credited with making dark skinned brothers hip and sexy in Hollywood? Gosh, that seems so long ago. I forgot what a big action star he was (“US Marshals,” “Demolition Man,” “The Art of War”) and how great he was in “White Men Can’t Jump.” Remember him Scarfacing it up in “New Jack City” and how NOT believable it was when Ice-T managed to beat up Nino Brown? Wesley was big! Then Wesley pissed off half his fan base, black women, in an Ebony Magazine article. Then Wesley’s star power wained. Then Wesley got a great boost starring in the “Blade” trilogy (and he was pretty awesome in the first two films). Then Wesley went bat-shit insane.

Now he’s getting prosecuted for scamming the IRS because he fell into some bogus scheme where he didn’t give the government their cut for his 90s paydays. IRS prosecutors claim that Snipes and his cohorts fell into the whole “tax avoidance” movement which has thrived on the internet and leading to some other high profile cases, like a couple who barricaded themselves inside their home to avoid arrest by federal agents last year.

Wesley, obviously, did not learn from previous stars like Sammy “Jo-Jo Dancer Your Life Is Calling” Davis Jr., comedian Redd Foxx, Godfather of Soul James Brown, country icon Willie Nelson and Ron “Mr. Biggs” Isley, the IRS might not get you today, it might not get you tomorrow, but Uncle Sam is going to get his eventually.

But why should that stop Snipes’ lawyers from arguing that this is not a fraud case, but merely a “disagreement” with the IRS over the $12 million he conned out of the government.

From the Associated Press:

Defense attorney Robert Barnes conceded Snipes’ arguments may have been crazy, but insisted that didn’t make them criminal.

“Disagreement with the IRS is not fraud of the IRS, is not deception,” Barnes said. “It was an attempt to engage the IRS, to go through the IRS procedures and processes and see who’s right.”

Of course, the IRS is salivating at the prospect of prosecuting him, but not because of the money. They want to send a message to other people who use the whole “you don’t have to pay taxes” mumbo jumbo to circumvent the government.

“People who do it openly and notoriously, you’ve got to go after them,” said Sheldon Cohen, who was IRS commissioner and general counsel in the 1960s. “Not because he’s that important or the amount of money is that important, but because there are others who may be foolish enough to follow.”

I’m actually kind of sad because Wesley was always, for me, the more action oriented contemporary to Denzel Washington. (Heck, I’d gather he made more bank in the 90s than Denzel.) They were both equally good actors, with Wesley pulling off a style that was half-method acting, half-classically trained. The brother could do Shakespeare! I didn’t necessarily find him all that attractive, but he had sex appeal, and with the 90 billion black and brown people crammed into the Matrix sequels it amazes me that no one could make room for martial arts star/action dynamo Wesley Snipes? No room in any of the X-Men films? I understood him being a little uppity over Hollywood, (See Isaiah Washington, who is essentially, Wesley Snipes-lite), but he should have known better than getting involved in that tax scheme.

Those angry black women from the 90s are going to seem like a dream compared to the 16 years he may be facing in prison.

Written by blacksnob

January 31, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Funny thing I found while trolling Defamer

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This has nothing to do with the politics of blackness, but as a reformed My Little Pony collector, I busted a gut.

Written by blacksnob

January 31, 2008 at 3:31 am

Posted in defamer, humor

Dude claims he can go toe-to-toe in the Tiger Woods Era leading to laughter and him going "Really. I’m serious!"

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British Golfer/Trainwreck Fashonista Ian Poulter (seen here in some ugly-ass pants) is putting the threatdown on Tiger Woods. Good luck, buddy. I’ve seen this movie before and it doesn’t end pretty.

A lot of golfers have looked into the abyss of Tiger Woods’ Dark Lord of the Sith level golf skills and have been humbled. But this dude is going to attempt to channel is inner Ben Hogan Kenobi.

Said potential Tiger slayer to Reuters:

The outspoken Ian Poulter caused a stir on the eve of the Dubai Desert Classic by saying he was the only player capable of challenging the supremacy of world number one Tiger Woods.

“The trouble is I don’t rate anyone else,” the 32-year-old Briton was quoted as saying in the March edition of Golf World magazine.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven’t played to my full potential and when that happens, it will be just me and Tiger.”

Nice. But like a boxer calling out Muhammad Ali for a title fight, don’t be surprised if your ass-clownery gets you faced.

Take the story of the gigantic, young version of George Foreman who was so deft in his skills that many feared he could kill a man in the ring. Friends of Ali feared he’d hurt Ali who was off his game over his refusal to report for the military draft.

But then came 1974’s “The Rumble In the Jungle,” brought you by Dictator Mobutu Sese Seku’s keptocracy and the man who inspired one of actor Ving Rhames’ finest performances. During this event, as we all know, Ali took a hell of a lot of punches, tired George out, then reduced him to a historical footnote when Ali knocked him out in the 8th. Foreman was so shattered by the experience that he would not box again until the freakin’ 90s when he was 45. By then Ali was no longer able to threaten anyone in the ring as he was hobbled by Parkinson’s.

But my point is this — Foreman actually held the heavyweight title, had beaten all rivals and had the potential to murder someone in the ring. If a top-line Foreman could not crush Ali, who was never as scarily powerful as Foreman, how can you expect to beat Tiger Woods?

Sayeth Ian:

The Englishman, asked by the magazine to predict the winner of the first major of the season at the U.S. Masters in April, replied: “Put Tiger down for that one”.

For the year’s second major at the U.S. Open, he said: “You can put me down for that one”.

Poulter, pictured nude in the magazine with only a carefully-placed golf bag guarding his modesty, heaped praise on Woods who makes a rare foray to the European Tour for this week’s Dubai event.

“Tiger is one in a million,” he said. “Actually Tiger is one in 10 million.

“He is extraordinary. If you look at the rankings he is almost two and a half times better than the guy in second place.”

What are you going to do, Mr. #22 in the world, golf punk purveyor Ian Poulter?

Tiger’s not hurt, old, out-of-shape, coming off a long-retirement or in the midst of a cold streak. And what? Are you going to wait it out? Golfers can golf into their 60s before trotting off to the senior circuit. And unlike boxing, where you take your opponent head-on, this is golf. Your competition is the course and your nerves. Golf is psychological. Guys crash and burn going up against Tiger because they spend the whole game playing catch up, trying to pull off crazy moves out of frustration.

I’m not saying Poulter can’t beat Tiger. The chances are he could and will. You have to be extremely talented to be on the fringe of the top twenty. But pre-Tiger Woods Era it was unheard of for a golfer to win at high consistency, let alone win back-to-back. Golf is not an easy game. It’s the chess of the sports world, only it’s a game of chess where the board keeps changing and you play against yourself hoping that your score at the end is lower than everyone else’s. So your best bet is a Tiger cold streak and even then you’d have to play against the course and all the other top twenty golfers trying to capitalize on a Tiger Woods cold streak.

But I admire your moxie. It’s like calling out 90s Michael Jordan or the Showtime era LA Lakers for a game. Or threatening the Patriots of today or the Dallas Cowboys of the 70s and 90s. Ballsy. Stupid, but ballsy. But you better do something to get Tiger’s attention fast, because the only golfer Tiger is competing with is Jack Nickalus.

And you, sir, are noooo Jack Nickalus.

Written by blacksnob

January 31, 2008 at 1:17 am

The Lastest Election Night Casualties

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Edwards is dropping out. Yeah, yeah … but will that help or hurt Obama? Who are those 15 percent Edwards folks going to break for and was Obama’s statement on Johnny Handsome’s exit a “hint, hint, wink, wink” for yet another high profile endorsement for Team Obama? So many questions.

Oh, and Guiliani called it quits. Will probably endorse McCain. Another one bites the dust. Good Hair Mitt is going to stick with it even though it seems everyone in the race hates him. He’ll hit up the ATM and yank out a few more millions and try to buy himself a presidency. I do love watching Mitt’s various transformations. From Steve Forbes to Guy Smiley (see photo) to the “what can I say to get you to vote for me today?” guy. “Does it help if I take my jacket off and roll up my sleeves? How about if I let my hair get a little tousled? What if I hijack Obama’s ‘change’ message? What if I wear a traditional Cuban shirt? What if I just give you $100? Would you like $100?

Written by blacksnob

January 30, 2008 at 4:12 pm

The Limits of Blackness

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Once upon a time in 1999, I was to wed a fellow, let’s call him, Grady McShady. I was in the midst of planning a wedding that McShady kept getting more and more controlling over. Then, when I was at wits end with him he told me he wanted to be married in full African regalia and I tried really, really hard to wrap my head around it. I tried to see the kente cloth, the royal blue bulky fabric, the unflattering shape that was not a white, poofy dress and tried to imagine it on myself, but it was so, so hard. I tried to bargain with him, that maybe he and the other groomsmen could wear kente cummerbunds and we could jump a broom but he put his foot down saying he would either get his African wedding or there would be no fancy ceremony at all.

So we got married in 2001 at a justice of the peace in Texas.

Long story short, it didn’t work out. But the point of this story is that I learned from my ex that there was a limit to my blackness. I told him I did not want my wedding to be a political statement. It is obvious that we are black people. It is obvious that we are from African descent, but I am an American woman. I want my big poofy white dress! I want big hair and Luther Vandross singing “Always and Forever.” Didn’t he understand you do not rob a woman of her dream wedding? So even though my future ex-husband McShady threw it in my face that my blackness was questionable because I didn’t want to wear this, his threats did not change my opinion about this dress debacle. There were other issues in that past relationship that I’ll probably blog about another day, but basically, what I want to know is … what is your limit to your blackness?

Some folks limit are defending R. Kelly and other black superstars who screw up. Others it’s using the term African American when they feel they have nothing to do with Africa. Some go into apoplectic shock over Black History Month (either because they hate the cheesiness or are insulted about the whole cramming-150-years-of-black-history-in-28-days thing) I draw the line at using weddings as political statements and celebrating Kwanzaa*.

I will teach my future children black history. I will drag them to the Civil Rights Museum and the Slavery Museum whenever it ever gets finished. I will tell them about Barack Obama’s run for the presidency and encourage them to love and embrace their culture and the beauty of black people, African and African American alike. But I’m not wearing traditional Nigerian garb at my wedding and I’m not celebrating Kwanzaa.

And OJ killed Nicole Simpson.

That said, what is your limit?

*Seriously, no disrespect but what the hell is Kwanzaa? As a reporter I was constantly assigned the black folks charity/pity assignment that was the Kwanzaa holiday. My editors never wanted to hear about black folks the other 359 days of the year, but come Kwanzaa time there’s a pathetic attempt at acknowledging that Negroes exist. No matter how many times I was explained the significance of the days and how the holiday encouraged blacks to have better self-esteem, be business-owners and foster stewardship over their communities I would have to do my damnedest to stop the eye-rolling. We couldn’t discuss black stewardship and fidelity on another holiday? Holidays are supposed to be fun or profound, not a civics lessons. Take Juneteenth, a black Texas holiday I celebrated as a child with my Texan-born father. It’s about celebrating the end of slavery. Now, that’s a holiday! That means something! We’re FREE, let’s throw the biggest party Texas has ever seen! Don’t make up a holiday when there are perfectly good holidays (King Day and Juneteenth) that are often under celebrated by blacks.

Written by blacksnob

January 30, 2008 at 3:02 am