The Black Snob

Politics. Pop Culture. Pretentiousness.

Archive for May 1st, 2008

Too Tired to Vote

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I think this is the third time I’ve referred to Emerson, Lake and Palmer during this election cycle, but …

Welcome back my friend to the show that never ends.”

Forget Bush fatigue or Clinton fatigue. How about “I wish everyone would go someplace and shut the hell up for five minutes” fatigue. Because I have that in spades. I’m bored with the (not) controversies. I long for the days when the people who aren’t running for president didn’t get press time like they were. I want to build a bridge back to the 20th century, encourage the Clintons to cross it then burn the bitch down before they can make it back to the other side.

It’s not that I don’t like them. I’m tired of everyone trolling for votes. I appreciate the fact that I’m so desired as a voter, but my mind is starting to wander in a bid of self-preservation.

Sigh. If only there were one or two horrible wars to learn about on the news. Oh, well. Go ahead Chris Matthews. Tell me how Hillary Clinton won’t do your show because you’re a horrible sexist. Can I offer you some cheese to go with this wine?

I can’t even get properly outraged about things. Everyone else is so passionate, instead I’m telling the election “not tonight” as I roll over to my side of the bed, leaving the election alone to masturbate to Sean Hannity.

The last time I genuinely felt an emotion was in Cold Stone Creamery where early 90s anti-gang violence song “Self-Destruction” was playing and when Kool Moe Dee rapped “I never, ever ran from the Ku Klux Klan and I shouldn’t have to run from a black man,” I found my eyes getting watery.

Damn you, current rappers! Gang violence is tearing up US cities and the best you can do is provide a soundtrack screaming “Pimps up, hoes down and pass me that Courvoisier so I can pour it all over this fine Cartier jewelry while screaming, ‘I make it rain!”

There was a time when rappers actually gave a shit or at least had the decency to discourage gang/drug violence. Not create grand arias to it.

But I digress.

I care, but then I don’t care about campaign 2008. How can I get worked up over Jeremiah Wright when I still think Hillary Clinton has no path to the nomination. How can I care when a million Wrights does not equal two wars, a shitty economy and having George W. as your BFF. Sure, the shit didn’t help any, but I’m sure shaking a tail feather at the Press Club seemed like a real good idea at the time. Just to rub it in people’s faces.

Still, I’m tired of all the outrage, especially the mock outrage, that has driven everyone else nutso.

Seriously? Bitter-gate? Aren’t we insulting previous fake-gates like Monica-gate and File-gate? And can the press write about a controversy without adding “-gate” to it?

Is this my … tired of the bullshit-gate?

I look back on things I used to care about. Film. Art. “Grey’s Anatomy.” Music.

Robert Downey Jr. keeps winking at me, beckoning me to leave my politicking aside and have a wild, one-afternoon-stand with “Iron Man.” Which I’m totally going to do, even though it will be over with in about two-hours. And after that triple “X” throw down is done I’ll waddle home to the election who will still be there like a lump on the couch, sucking on a beer while Hillary Clinton and Bill O’Reilly do shots of Patron. And the kitchen will be ransacked because someone let the Washington Press Corps in and George W. is snorting up all the good coke on my coffee table when he knows I was saving that for Naomi Campbell. All the while his secret service agent hits on me … again.

The election keeps telling me that someday he’ll be over. That he’s going to leave me and take up with who ever becomes president next year and maybe that’s true and maybe that means that someday I might miss him.

But someday ain’t tonight. Please turn off the light when you’re done.

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Written by blacksnob

May 1, 2008 at 9:09 pm

Black Girl: Still Available!

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The Secret Council of American Negroes is continuing its advertisement campaign letting men of the world know how wonderful our women of color are. While some of our slogans haven’t quite taken off as we would like, we will continue to push the issue that our cherished sisters are just as sexuality attractive, loving, friendly and educated as any other type of women. In fact, our sisters fantastic.

Please, continue to spread the word that black women are totally marriage worthy. Even trophy marriage worthy. But don’t believe us. Check out the testimonial below!

Filmmaker Spike Lee and actor Isaiah Washington

Spike Lee: All my life it’s been about black women. I love black women. The sound of their voice. The hair, the nails, the skin … the ass.
Isaiah Washington: My wife is like the goddess Isis and I was Osiris before I met her, scattered about the earth but she searched for me and assembled my parts and made me whole.
Spike: Damn! You must be smoking the good shit.
Isaiah: I’m smoking nothing but the black woman, Spike. She is the essence, the origin of the species, she is where LIFE comes from!
Spike: Slow up. Let me write this down. This would make a great birthday card for my wife. Repeat the shit about Isis again.
Isaiah: When my wife decided to go bald I celebrated it. I relish her head. And I will love her relentlessly as she is my partner, my equal. We will fight the war together and return home victorious!
Spike: DAMN. Why didn’t I know you when I was single. I could have pulled ass for days with you. You’re better than a Barry White record.
Isaiah: May the man who dares to damn my wife go BLIND!
Spike: OK. Now you’re getting creepy.
Isaiah: And may he be disemboweled and his intestines be strewn about the streets so the pigeons may feast upon them!
Spike: See? This is why we stopped hanging out. You’re too intense.
Isaiah: Some things DESERVE intensity, SPIKE! My wife. My BLACK wife deserves this intensity, SPIKE!
Spike: Look. I’d kill a mutha fucker who touched my wife too, but I’d just pay someone to do it. You’re getting all Wesley Snipes and shit.
Isaiah: Wesley does not understand the DEPTHS of my devotion to black women, especially to MY black woman. He does not have the loyalty I have. He is not committed to the role!
Spike: I’m not going to argue with you considering his ass is about to go to prison.
Isaiah: If you marry a black women you’re 86 percent less likely to end up in prison.
Spike: Really?
Isaiah: That’s what SCAN said.
Spike: You know they be inflating that shit, right?
Isaiah: LIES!!!
Spike: I’m sorry. Yeah. Marry a black woman. Stay out of prison.
Isaiah: She will make you whole.
Spike: What he said. And don’t forget to buy the special anniversary edition of “X” when it comes out. It’s a two-disc set. Twice the Denzel. Twice the depressing!

Actor Robert De Niro and singer/songwriter David Bowie

Robert De Niro: I’ve dated a lot of women.
David Bowie: Me too.
Robert: But none of them felt right. They just weren’t perfect. They just weren’t …
David: They weren’t black.
Robert: Yeah. They weren’t. I mean, they were nice girls.
David: Sure. Sure.
Robert: They just didn’t have that thing. You know? The thing?
David: I could have had Claudia Schrieffer, but who the fuck wants that? What would we talk about? Her hair? Iman is perfect. She’s one part Grace Jones, one part Storm from X-Men. That’s 100 percent fucking fantastic. I married a Goddess wrapped in the body of a super hero. I wanted to marry her and scream “me first! Me forever!” Your wife’s not bad either, Robert.
Robert: She’s my baby. She’s the mother of my child.
David: Black girls are just so nice. So passionate. So understanding. So deliciously brown.
Robert: The brown is nice. There’s smoothness to it and a youthful glow. Honestly. It’s like … my wife doesn’t age. She looks, in the face, totally as gorgeous as the day I met her. I wish I could say the same for myself. Am I right? I’m totally getting old over here. But she’s a fountain of youth.
David: I can’t get enough of black girls. They’re interesting. So cultured and well read. I didn’t find other women particularly interesting. Plus black girls totally smell like cinnamon and shit rainbows. I kid you not!
Robert: We’re not knocking white chicks, though. I’m sure they shit something really interesting too.
David: But not rainbows.
Robert: To do the rainbows, I think you have to be like, part Yorba or something. Or from the horn of Africa. I think. I don’t know. My wife won’t let me know the secret but it smells like French toast and potpourri. I kid you not!
David: I was into Chinese girls for about five minutes. But other girls, they’re great in their own way, but I wouldn’t date them though. I just can’t go back, Robert. I honestly cannot go back.
Robert: The other girls, they’re just different, you know? They’re just not …
David: A black girl.
Robert: Yeah. I concur. They’re the best.

Written by blacksnob

May 1, 2008 at 8:02 pm

Posted in SCAN Adverts

$6000 Suits and Barack Obama: Things Willie Brown Likes

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This is part of the “Critical Thought on Obama series” running on Tuesdays and Thursdays at The Black Snob.

The always distinguished former mayor of San Francisco Willie Brown has not sat mum in the great Obama v. Clinton debate.

He hasn’t said who he’s for either. But he hasn’t stayed mum.

Brown was San Francisco’s first black mayor and he was the longest sitting state Speaker of the House. He’s known for his smarts, his dapper dress (including the aforementioned $6,000 suits) and his incredible cache among other Democrats.

As speaker he was a skilled negotiator, ending budget standoffs and working with both Democrats and Republicans. He was also good a coalescing political power. Republicans had a hard time undercutting his heft in the assembly even when the numbers were in their favor. He was so powerful that many said the 1990 ballot initiative to implement term limits in California was to wrench him from his 15 year perch.

As mayor he pushed initiatives that brought grown to businesses and neighborhoods, steering San Francisco during the prosperous 1990s where the tech industry boomed. He was a popular mayor, but not without controversy. Many accused him of being too close to business interests and engaging in cronyism. Despite the opposition he had an easy time being reelected, winning by 20 points.

The only thing that could stop his political career was term limits.

When it comes to the Barack Obama/Hillary Clinton death match for the Democratic nomination he’s been passionate and interested. He praises them both. He thinks having two choices this historical is delightful, but he’s practically laissez faire when it comes to the sparring.

He likes them both. He thinks their epic battle is good for the party. He’s not picking sides.

Really. He’s not. Stop asking.

Brown is a cheerleader for this battle royale and said as much so during the California State Democratic Convention this year.

“I am in LOVE with this battle! It is the best thing that has happened in a long time…

It is a way in which the Democratic party breathes life into communities, into neighborhoods, into people who never had life!”

The excitement continued everywhere, from Charlie Rose to NPR:

These priorities make the current race for the Democratic presidential nomination — between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) — a particular dilemma for Brown, who says he does not support either candidate. But it’s a dilemma that he characterizes as “delightful.”

At times Brown offered a bit more praise for Obama, but that is likely attributed to his familiarity with being a black political trailblazer.

Brown writes in his book about the “barbershop test” — that candidates of color must be comfortable in the halls of power but also at the local barbershop, discussing everyday issues such as sports and music.

He says Obama’s recent speech on race in the United States was the equivalent of a barbershop test — one which Brown says Obama passed.

At a recent forum in the San Francisco Bay Area, Brown joined the chorus of individuals who don’t see an Obama/Clinton, Clinton/Obama pairing in the near future. He also add that no one should have see this race as a “coronation.” The nomination had to be earned:

Brown said he thought when the race began that if Hillary Clinton remained respectful of Obama and her other rivals for the nomination, she would win. “I did not believe it made any sense to assume that instead of primary campaigns there would be coronations.” Obama, he said, has proved to be “a fabulous, qualified human being who also has lots of flavor about him;” his campaign proved to be savvy by not immediately gravitating to traditionally black forums and communities, but rather appealing from the start to as broad a demographic base as possible.

But Brown says people shouldn’t work themselves into a froth over Clinton and Obama’s lengthy battle:

He explains, “If that battle reduces itself to conditions where personalities — rather than issues — and where the interests of the party take a back seat to the ambitions of a single personality, it could be harmful.

“That is not the case [here], and I think it will only be good for Democrats.”

Brown, who has been a super delegate in the past, is not one this year. But he is a strong believer in the original intent of a super delegate — to prevent outside interests from pushing an unelectable candidate through the party progress.

He told CNN the process has its merits.

“[Superdelegates] are the keepers of the faith,” said former San Francisco, California, Mayor Willie Brown.

“You have superdelegates because this is the Democratic Party. You don’t want the bleed-over from the Green Party, the independents and others in deciding who your nominee will be.”

It’s unsure what that may be mean for Obama. Some are worried Clinton could win the race via superdelegates. Others point out that Obama has the lead in the popular vote and number of state’s won and is closing in on matching Clinton for superdelegates, all making her chances at winning very slim. And Obama is far from being some fringe candidate trying to usurp party leadership. With backers like one-half of the Kennedy clan and Sen. John Kerry, Obama is riding a very well-heeled, Democratic wave.

I imagine Brown will keep up with his gentlemanly ways, relax in his snazzy duds and let the kids battle it out. And while I’m inclined to say he’s leaning Obama, I don’t think he’ll die if Clinton finagled the nomination. He’s more likely to use his clout to pull the party back together if all goes to the dogs come August.

For more on Brown’s opinions on the Democratic race, check out this video of his appearance on Charlie Rose where he went into depths about his feelings.

Written by blacksnob

May 1, 2008 at 6:00 pm

Tired of the Rev. Wright Story?

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Barack and Michelle Obama talk about the Rev. Wright controversy on NBC.

Too bad!

Even though you have a lot of company in your pain the media can never, never, ever let a story with good video AND audio go. And Rev. Jeremiah Wright provided the audio and video of Rupert Murdock’s wet dreams.

What’s John McCain doing? Who cares. What’s Hillary Clinton up to? Doesn’t matter. Obama’s former pastor said stuff, loudly, that sounds like HATE to some stupid people. Doesn’t shouting and throwing up a Q-dog sign mean hate? (And if so, is “Atomic Dog” the most hateful song ever written?) Even though this has little to do with Obama–the man who is running for president–this is what matters to the press.

McCain is out enjoying his “charm offensive” where he bats his eyelashes and shrugs his shoulders at every, little heavenly creature. Clinton is out bonding with old ladies and thanking Jesus this pastor flap knocked pictures of her and Chelsea in Bosnia right off the TV. Gosh, that seems like ions ago when sniper fire was all the press wanted to talk about. But one fiery preacher later and Clinton’s back in the hunt, absconding with super delegates and staying mum in hopes that this controversy mortally wounds Obama’s campaign.

After all, a category five implosion is what she needs to even get near the nomination.

Wright knew exactly what he was doing when he planted this improvised explosive devise onto the political playing field. He was doing what he would have done whether it was Barack Obama or a stranger on the street. He was going to stomp and holler and shout and he was not going to be silenced. Whether it was about pride or arrogance, Obama, if he truly knew the man, had to know Wright was not going to quietly retire to the sidelines and ride this bitch out for his sake.

More and more I agree with the Field Negro, who the hell is running Obama’s campaign? This story has expanded over for days now and has drowned his uplifting narrative. He’s been derailed by this. You can blame Rev. Wright, but you have to realize that Obama did know this man for a long time, yet there was not mitigating of the damage. No contingency plan. Just an assumption that America–the same America that enjoys McDonalds and films starring Will Ferrell–was smarter than to fall for this batch of Step’n Fetchit. The “incendiary” preacher story was on FOX News for nearly a year before it blew up in the national media. Did they think this day would never dawn?

As for the press, they’re jackals. They’re hyenas. They are salivating over this, as best demonstrated by Jon Stewart on “The Daily Show” last night.

They feast off of destruction and could live of this confection of Wright a la mode for weeks if we let them. It’s their trade. Just like “Bosnia-gate” and that debate fiasco at ABC News, they froth at the mouth for the trivial. It’s all icing, no cake and cake isn’t good for you either.

So what do you do? I, personally, am demanding more Iraq/Afghanistan War coverage. Plus, they economy is going to the dogs and gun violence is up in Americas major cities. The feds are trying to take back money they gave Katrina victims. Our veterans are getting the shaft when they come home and we don’t even bother to profile their deaths in combat anymore.

Give the race for the Democratic nomination confectionery fluff a break. Put down the cotton candy and do some real reporting if you can’t find a legitimate issue to discuss on the trail.

Outside of that, pray that Bill Clinton gets it on with someone. I pick Jane Fonda. Or Kim Kardashian. That will throw them off Obama’s scent if they refuse to take this “picking the leader of the free world” think seriously.

PS. While I get that black people are angry at Rev. Wright for “hijacking” the news cycle, I feel the need to remind folks that before the press started beating up Obama with it almost every black person I heard from liked Wright and wanted to hear the man preach more. And if it weren’t for the fact that Obama is running for president these same black people would still be cheering him on. I like Obama, but we don’t have to be a monolith on Obama. We can handle some controversy. We shouldn’t have to censor ourselves, even if we are “showing out.”

If people don’t want to vote for Obama based on what Wright said they were never going to vote for him in the first place. They were looking for an excuse that sounded better than, “I’m a bigot.” So, yeah, Wright didn’t do Barack any favors, but please, don’t give the “gas face” to a man just because he did the electric slide up and down his critics’ backs while shouting, “How you like me now!” I enjoyed his Cool Moe Dee-esque display of pastoral fire. You did too, until the press went feral over it and Obama got caught the undertow. We should be demanding better of his campaign staff who fumbled the ball on this situation.

Written by blacksnob

May 1, 2008 at 4:20 pm