The Black Snob

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Archive for the ‘entertainment’ Category

Señor Baby Wipes Gets Axed From "Iron Man 2"

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My favorite effeminate, vain, soul-humping pretty boy, Señor Baby Wipes, aka Terrence Howard, was axed from the Iron Man sequel. He’s been replaced by the ultimate black utility actor, Don Cheadle, a man who would probably be more famous if Denzel Washington, Samuel L. Jackson and Jamie Foxx fell off the face of the earth.

Competition, kid. Even Terrence Howard was in his way … until now.

I love The Cheadle (and I LOVED Iron Man — damn, that was one sexy, cool action flick — so I’m happy for him getting in a big pay day blockbuster), but it’s rare for a studio to fiddle with the cast of a film that was so insanely successful. Everyone in the movie was the hotness, from Robert Downy Jr. on down, so I had to consult to insiders to find out why El Vanity No Good Lover Howard didn’t the reboot.

From Yahoo Movies:

When it was announced that Terrence Howard was out of “Iron Man 2” and that Don Cheadle would be taking over the role of James “Rhodey” Rhodes, the question on most observers’ minds was “Why?” The first film was an enormous success, turning a little-known Marvel Comics character into a household name and raking in $318 million domestically. Howard received solid reviews for his work in the film. And the movie itself seemed to indicate that Rhodey would have a bigger part in the sequel when he looked at the silver Mark II suits and said to himself, “Next time, baby.”

Terrence Howard himself seemed at a loss as to why he was replaced, telling NPR that getting the news was “the surprise of a lifetime.” Initial reports said that negotiations between Howard’s representatives and Marvel Studios “fell through over financial differences,” but a recent article in Entertainment Weekly suggests it was more complicated than that.

Howard was the first actor signed to the film and, on top of that, was the highest-paid. That’s right: more than Gwyneth Paltrow. More than Jeff Bridges. More than Robert Downey Jr. And once the project fully came together, it was too late to renegotiate his deal. (Entertainment Weekly)

Director Jon Favreau told Ain’t It Cool News before shooting even began that he had cast Howard with the intention of giving Rhodey a bigger role in the sequels, eventually getting his own suit of mechanized armor to become “War Machine.” But according to EW’s source, “Favreau and his producers were ultimately unhappy with Howard’s performance, and spent a lot of time cutting and reshooting his scenes.”

Consequently, as Favreau and screenwriter Justin Theroux began the process of structuring the second movie, they reduced the scale of Rhodey’s part. With the role pared down, Marvel presented Howard’s agents with a much smaller offer than he received for the first movie.

The agents, according to sources, were so taken aback by this new figure – estimated at somewhere between a 50 and 80 percent pay cut – that they questioned it. Why did they blanch? Multiple sources say that Marvel execs never told Howard’s reps that they had issues with the star’s on-set conduct

So what I’m gleaning from this, el hombre blew it. He was the biggest and highest paid star attached to the film before Downy Jr. proved he could leave the crack and booze alone and pull off the performance of a life time as Tony Stark, aka Iron Man. (Damn, he was sexy. But I have a thing for super heroes. If they ever make a black Superman and I ain’t talkin’ Shaquille O’Neil in Steel. I mean, The Rock or Nate Parker. Or someone who is so hot and noble looking that I’ll want him to call me “Lois Lane” Mary Jane Girls style … all night long. You know what I’m talking about fangirls! Screw Margot Kidder and Kate Bosworth. What about me? What about the sisters? We wanna go up, up and away! Rescue my ass for once!)

Back to Baby Wipes, though …

Either Howard is an insufferable bitch or this is the classic case of Hollywood playing the Hollywood Shuffle with the minorities. As much as I love The Cheadle, I’m bummed that I won’t see the smooth cool of my sweet, sweet Señor Baby Wipes. Granted, his ego is probably huge from the back-to-back critical successes of “Hustle and Flo” and “Crash.” From his half assed Terence Trent D’Arby-esque singing to “Iron Man,” to countless magazine covers, Terrence was/is/going to be what every Will Smith and Jamie Foxx and Denzel couldn’t be … a swexy, smooth asshole. A new variation on type.

Smith works hard, but Señor is a better actor. Foxx is multi-talented, but, again, Señor is the better actor. Washington? Well, that’s a toughie. That’s both Tom Hanks, Marlon Brando and Sidney Poitier wrapped in one. He’s Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis. Equally talented and charming Morgan Freeman bows down when Denzel comes to his town. I don’t know how he’ll beat that. Denzel is getting older. That means he can’t take some of the parts he used to, I’m seeing a three-way fight to be America’s no. 1 black military/cop/historical figure/investigator/action/drama actor. My point is, Señor was/is supposed to BLOW UP. Not getting in Iron Man 2, the closest thing to a guaranteed paycheck outside of the Batman sequel, not getting rehired after America LIKED you in Iron Man means something really, really foul went down.

You blew it, Baby Wipes!

But C’st la vie! The Cheadle is back, baby, going for another shot at the apple! Get ’em, Cheadle, get ’em! Don’t let ’em know what hit ’em!

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Written by blacksnob

November 6, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Why I Heart Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert

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See! Now that’s satire. I get exactly what that is supposed to be about. It’s pitch freakin’ perfect, comedy gold. It’s so meta and so absurd with absurdity being the rule of law in this election cycle. Not since dogs playing poker have I seen such an iconic image of pop ridiculousness that can burn its way into your frontal lobe and never, ever leave.

And Stephen Colbert’s face with his hand on his hip? That smirk like the one from The New Yorker cartoon cover — priceless. And the Get Christie Love ‘fro he’s rocking? I couldn’t love it more if I tried.

The cover goes with a very funny Entertainment Weekly Q&A with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert about the presidential race (as well as the occupational hazards of working as satirists). Stewart at one point compares their news-ish coverage to being akin to a drunk calling out another drunk for lying in a bar in New Jersey. The interview is hilarious.

Here’s a nugget of Stewart answering a question about Gov. Sarah Palin’s “folk hero” status:

I keep hearing that she’s ”like us.” There’s this idea that people who hunt and have ”good” values are somehow this mythological American; I don’t know who ”this” person is, I’ve never met them. She is no more typical ”us” than I am, than Obama is, than McCain is, than Mr. T is. If there is something quintessentially or authentically American about her, I sort of feel like, you know what? You ”good values people” have had the country for eight years, and done an unbelievably s—ty job. Let’s find some bad values people and give them a shot, maybe they’ll have a better take on it.

Thanks reader dkan71 for the link!

Written by blacksnob

September 25, 2008 at 9:23 pm

Check Yer Wig!

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I’m not implying that the lovely Lynn Whitfield is making sure her $12 special isn’t crooked. (Mostly because I think a good percentage of it is her hair.) Lynn is obviously auditioning for the remake of Klymaxx’sMeeting In the Lady’s Room” video. But “Check Yo’ Wig” seemed to be a better fit for this series of pictures from the only music festival I wish I could have attended (that wasn’t Coachella) — the Essence Music Festival, which happened over the Fourth of July holiday, ending July 6th. Here are a few highlights.

Chris Rock doing his funny for money; Musiq Soulchild looking a hot mess in an Obama, “Yes We Can” shirt — which I now fear is becoming the Che Guevara T-shirt/Malcolm X baseball cap of the 2000s; and Mary J. Blige.

Keyshia Cole. I like her voice a lot, but I’m sometimes a little concerned about her personality so I’ve been avoiding reading anything about her for the past two years.

Morris Day, performing with The Time. I love Morris and The Time and I own every Time album. Gigolos Get Lonely Too is the cut. And 777-9311? … So good I wish the Minneapolis Sound would stage a comeback. And don’t get me started on Ice Cream Castles, the greatest “make love, not racism” anthem ever created.

Mary J., Kanye and LL Cool J.

Chris Brown took nothing but bland, bland, bland photos for this event. This was especially odd considering he was all too willing to scar me mentally by faux humping Ciara whilst she was dressed as a dominatrix during one of the million replays of the 2008 BET Awards.

Aren’t they both like 12? And are people letting their kids watch this because Mama and Papa Snob let me watch Motown 25 with them and I don’t recall Michael Jackson rubbing his crotch all over Diana Ross’ girl parts. And all the Grammy Awards shows featured nothing but Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson and Babyface for nearly two decades. Will Smith, of all people, was the hip hop militant trying to get a best rap song category on the Grammys. Yet, I never saw ‘Face simulate cunnilingus with Pebbles during an extended Luther Campbell remix of “Love Makes Things Happen.”

But I’m practically ancient, being 30 and all. Maybe dressing in black latex and turning the weight room into a orgy pit/sex torture chamber is what’s hot in the streets these days.

Fortunately, Chris Brown’s real life dominatrix, Rihanna, took more arresting, back-bending photos.

I can’t tell how good she is at it (that “it” being singing), but that woman knows how to sell it. It’s like she digested and shitted out Matthew and Tina Knowles’ bestseller, “Be Your Own Pimp (Or At Least Your Kid’s Pimp … But In A Good Way!).” Whether she’s dressed like Madonna and Angelina Jolie’s love child who just broke up with Janet Jackson (Madonna and Ang — why didn’t that ever happen? Or did it?) or if she’s just your friendly, flirty, fantasy girl from the island she knows how to work what she has.

I’m not so sure about Brown. He’s cute, I guess. But I tend to like my menfolk Prince/Evan Ross fey or TikiWhy do we still have our clothes onBarber. I don’t like the mushy, shiny, goody-goody middle. And no matter how hard he dry humped Ciara I never really bought into it. Gross as Robert Sylvester Kelly is, it was game on every time he fake humped a girl for show. Seeing Chris Brown do that was like my initial reaction when I heard Tevin Campbell’s version of “Shhh.: Yeah, he could sing, but Tevin Campbell as a sex object? Sweet Lord, no. Being a filthy prepubescent perv was Usher Raymond’s thing.

But my larger point is … Chris Brown seems bland. Rihanna’s attractive and throwing all kinds of elbows to make her place as an R&B “It” girl. I’d forgotten Ciara was still working with the radio being nothing but wall-to-wall Rihanna songs right now. And in this era of “Everybody Loves (Usher) Raymond,” Chris Brown does not compute. He looks like he should be starring in High School Musical 3. Now granted, Rihanna could be in High School Musical 3 too, but she also looks like someone who’d pose half-naked in King Magazine or put shots of her under-boobage on MySpace just to get out of her Disney contract.

In a world based purely on who people “think” Rihanna and Chris are versus their actual personalities, Rihanna would be dating either an NBA-All Star (i.e. Chris Paul or LeBron James) or some Hollywood It Boy (Shia LaBeouf? I don’t like him but he’s an “it.”) and Chris Brown would be with either Raven Simone or the lesser Duff sister, Haylie.

Of course, I think Raven could do better.

Tyler Perry: So I got an idea for you, Mayor. Picture this … ‘Madea Meets New Orleans.’ It would tell the story of a young woman, played by Anika Noni Rose who loses everything in Hurricane Katrina. She’s raising her kid, the father deserted them during the storm, plus her sister’s four kids because she’s in prison for holding a some crack cocaine for her ex-boyfriend. She has lost all hope until her aunt twice-removed Madea shows up to get her and the rest of the Ninth Ward motivated to rebuild New Orleans for Jesus. And while she rallies the corrupt federal system for more support she is swept off her feet by a handsome young civil rights attorney played by Tyrese Gibson Boris Kodjoe Keenan Thompson*. What do you think?

Nagan: Turn the handsome attorney into the mayor of “Chocolate City” and I won’t charge you a lick of taxes to film here.

Perry: SOLD!

Solange Knowles and her son, “Baby” Daniel. Daniel appears to suffer from “cool baby” syndrome. Damn that Maddox Jolie-Pitt! One Mohawk and suddenly everyone’s toddler is Travis Barker.

Tavis Smiley and Prof. Cornell West

Bill Cosby and Rev. Al Sharpton

Bill Cosby and radio host Tom Joyner

MC Lyte. I’ve seen more of her the last ten days than I’ve seen of her the last ten years.

Michala Angela Davis, Lola Ogunnaike and DJ Beverly Bond

Keyshia Cole and her little dog

Broadway star Sheryl Lee Ralph and actor Boris Kodjoe

Adewale Ogunleye and Sanaa Lathan


* See comments!

Written by blacksnob

July 9, 2008 at 9:26 pm

Read This Blog: AverageBro On the BET Awards

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AverageBro watched so I didn’t have to. Thank you, play cousin! Click here for more!

Written by blacksnob

June 25, 2008 at 4:05 pm

Somewhere Baby Jesus Is Crying

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Wyclef, above and hideous. Some alleged “Aleesha” person and Big Tigger. My God. He still has a job there?

Oh my God! The ignorance! It burns! It burns!

It was time again, unfortunately, for BET’s 2008 “Spring Bling,” their jackleg version of MTV’s longest-running porno, Spring Break. Do you think they are kind of salty that they named it “Spring Bling” back before white folks discovered the word? I mean, the minute my old paper in Bakersfield, Calif. started using “bling” I knew that shizz was DOA, yet BET clings to it. Lame, BET. Lame!

Mike Jones and this Flo Rida character. And I thought the rappers looked haggard when I was a kid. Give me Eazy-E’s unattractive mug and Biggie’s fat self any day. Long as Big keeps the shirt on.

DJ Khaled, Birdman and, dear sweet Joseph and Mary, Lil’ Wayne.

Lil’ Wayne: This ugly on accident or on purpose? Discuss.

Top, a “guest” with a Shay “Buckeey” Johnson and below, St. Louis’ own Chingy and a “model.” And I use the term “model” very loosely. Stripper, maybe. Cover girl for “Low Riders Monthly” perhaps. No. Low Riders Monthly is far too classy a gig.

I just hope that Spring Bling has 100 percent less fake lesbian making out on it. MTV used to go nuts with the Girls Gone Wild footage back when I was in high school. There’s nothing I can’t stand more than a couple of girls making out because they enjoy debasing themselves for the menfolks. I mean, if you’re an actual Lesbian I guess go nuts, but I’m going to go out on a limb and gather that most Lesbians don’t want to make out to turn men on. I mean, dare I say, maybe with Lesbians it’s not about men.

Et tu, Lupe Fiasco?

There was a time people were worried if Wreckx-n-Effect would ruin my fragile little mind. Somehow I think we’ve gone farther than Teddy Riley ever envisioned. These folks make the chick in the bikini fake playing the sax at the beginning of “Rumpshaker” look classy. (All pics from WireImage)

Written by blacksnob

April 1, 2008 at 12:39 am

BET could surprise me …

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And not pick up the reality show Suge Knight is shopping around, vis-a-vis Bobby Brown’s reality show of a couple years back. (From WorldStarHipHop.com)

I could go into length about why Suge Knight should not have a TV show. But instead I’m going to not waste time, tiring myself out with details and just bust it bullet point style.

  1. Suge is a has-been.
  2. Suge totally knows who killed Tupac (yeah, I’m in that conspiracy camp).
  3. Wasn’t “Being Bobby Brown” punishment enough?
  4. SCAN already has too many things to boycott. It’s getting ridiculous.
  5. Suge murdered West Coast Hip Hop by being a dumb ass poser who wanted to impress people by acting like the black Tony Montana, and I am tired of watching rappers act out lame versions of perfectly good Italian mafia films.
  6. Seriously? We’re still taking about holding Vanilla Ice out the window? You and Robbie Van Winkle have been pimping that story for years as if it made either of you look better. Robbie got shook down by a poser and Suge shook down Vanilla Freakin’ Ice. Who’s hard rock in this situation?
  7. Rap is good at embarrassing itself! Don’t need your help, Suge!
  8. Black people, perfectly good at embarrassing ourselves. No help necessary there either.
  9. As if black death wasn’t celebrated enough …
  10. I thought the Crips won the gangsta rap wars? Celebrated Crip Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr. is skipping free, escaping numerous charges of everything from simple marijuana possession to concealed weapons to a murder case thwarted by the part-man, part-legal myth, Johnnie Cochran. And Snoop’s still universally popular despite being a neutered cartoon version of what he was ten years ago. So Snoop won! Please don’t show up on the BET, Suge!

Written by blacksnob

March 23, 2008 at 7:46 pm

Black Don’t Crack: My Sheroes, entertainment edition

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While you all know about my severe case of Michelle Obama fan girl wank, Michelle isn’t the only black woman I adore. Nope! The Snob is snobby for a lot of gorgeous black women who hold their head up high. Who are talented, beautiful and intelligent. Who when knocked down they get up a knock right back. Who are elegant and refined, but will still cut a bitch if they have to. As part of a new series, The Snob will be posting her fav five black women who throughly rock. This first edition is of underused black actress that rarely get to shine in the spotlight even though they’re the hottest thing poppin’ since chicken grease.

Vanessa L. Williams, Beauty Pageant Survivor

Pictured above, Vanessa Williams at the Beauty Ball for the March of Dimes and Williams at an Alzheimer’s benefit. (Wire Image)

First off. The bitch is fierce. Seriously. You don’t want to mess with ‘Nessa. Before Beyonce there was another big voiced, gorgeous chick in the game. A girl who had “The Right Stuff.” She is Vanessa Williams and she is the epitome of “The Awesome.” Carrying her head high, always matching her handbag with her shoes, she is a gorgeous triple-threat talent who can sing, dance and act. And like many black woman who have too much awesome Hollywood didn’t know what to do with her. Too much sexy! Too much fierce! Too hot to play the fuddy duddy sidekick, to talented to play the best friend of the white heroine. Not believable as ugly or down-trodden. And to proud to degrade herself in deeming roles.

Despite losing her first black Miss America crown due to some artsy nude pics, stops and starts in her acting career and two failed marriage to sorry ass men, Vanessa is a successful actress, singer and mother. She’s starred on Broadway. She “Saved the Best for Last.” And she is the best thing on “Ugly Betty” besides America Ferrera. If you don’t know ‘Nessa, you better get to know ‘Nessa. She’s our generation’s Lena Horne. If they ever make a bio-pic about her, I hope Vanessa will get to be the star.

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N’Bushe Wright, Unheralded Beauty

Top, N’Bushe Wright today. Below, N’Bushe Wright in the 90s, playing a black radical in “Dead Presidents”

If she were born in Africa about 2000 years ago the Pharaoh would have made her queen. With her distinct figures, high cheekbones and a pronounced, but high forehead, she is a beauty with talent to match.

I’ve always said the three most underused black women in Hollywood are Angela Bassett, Theresa Randall and N’Bushe Wright. I don’t know why N’Bushe isn’t bigger than she is. Maybe it’s because she’s not light skinned. It’s hard for a black woman in the business and it’s double hard if you don’t fit the Halle Berry standard. But N’Bushe is captivating when she gets a good role that really lets her loose. She’s one part Goddess and one part vulnerable, sensitive woman. And don’t care what anyone says, she should have gotten the part of “Storm” in the X-Men franchise. I guess we’ll always have “Fresh,” “Dead Presidents,” “Blade” and “New York Undercover” where we can look and wonder what might have been if Hollywood weren’t so bland and predictable.

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Maya Rudolph, The Funny Girl

Top, Maya Rudolph, Bottom, Donatella Versace and Maya Rudolph as Donatella on Saturday Night Live.

Maya Rudolph like many awesome women is a woman of many talents. She’s hilarious comic with excellent timing and for several years held down a spot on Saturday Night Live, a rare place for any black woman, even a biracial one. Maya could go from Whitney Houston to Donatella Versace to a quirky club music singer without a breath. But with Maya not on SNL anymore I don’t know how I’m going to get my weekly fix of R&B singer Minne Riperton’s gorgeous, funny daughter.

Once again like all me acting sheroes, Hollywood doesn’t know what to do with Maya. She’s chameleon with Barbara Streisand’s heft, but she doesn’t get the breaks she should. She has a role in the latest Sam Mendes film, a comedy she stars in with “The Office’s” John Krasinski and Cheryl Hines. Here’s to hoping that in 2009 when the film’s released will be the year of the Maya.

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Aisha Tyler, Miss Too Too Much

Aisha Tyler (Wire Image)

Everyone run! It’s a tall, gorgeous, intelligent, funny black woman! Don’t look at her! Don’t give her any roles!

Aisha Tyler, a comic who once said having a flat booty in the hood is a handicap, is my favorite female comic. Whether she was cracking jokes on her white husband for being white or breaking the “Friends” color barrier in its final season by pretending to be attracted to butt ugly David Schwimmer, she kills it every time. I’d love to be as statuesque as she is, and she must be pretty intimidating to the insecure being hot enough to be a model. While her roles are sometimes spotty (as much as I love her I could not bring myself to watch “Ghost Whisperer” when she was on it), she is starring an upcoming adaptation of a crime novel, “Black Water Transit,” slated for release this year. I love crime dramas and this one involves illegal weapons running. I’ll likely check it out.

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Gina Torres will kick your ass

Above, a still from Gina Torres on the set of “Firefly.” Below, Gina Torres.

I can’t say this enough. Gina Torres is the shizznit. You just don’t want to fuck with her. She’s tall. She’s a stunner. She’s a mezzo soprano singer. She’s Cubano. She will cut a bitch if she has to. She made her big break in the crappiest of syndicated TV shows, “Cleopatra 2525.” She was the only thing worth watching on it, but it set off a career that has sent Gina to roles as cops, hostage negotiators, futuristic freedom fighters in the last two “Matrix” films and a sci-fi warrior woman of the wild, wild west in Joss Whedon’s cult hit/failed TV series “Firefly.”

She recently starred in “I Think I Love My Wife” as Chris Rock’s wife. While Gina’s too everything for Chris’s emaciated corpse of a body, she was grand nevertheless. And a woman as hardcore as Gina needs a hardcore man, that’s why when she’s not on the set she gets to cuddle up next to her hubby, “Morephus,” better known as versatile actor Laurence Fishbourne.

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Runner Ups: Lisa Bonet, Angela Bassett, Theresa Randall, Rachel True, Golden Brooks, Jill Marie Jones, Jasmine Guy, Jada Pinkett Smith, Michael Michelle, Persia White, Sanaa Lathan, Robin Givins, Salli Richardson, Sophina Brown, Tamara Taylor, Tamara Tunie, Victoria Rowell, Tracie Thoms and Wendy Raquel Robinson