The Black Snob

Politics. Pop Culture. Pretentiousness.

Archive for the ‘Mariah Carey’ Category

Merry Christmas from The Snob, Glitter and Chuckles

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Happy Holidays from Glitter n’ Chuckles! Kiss big baby Jesus for Mimi while you wait for Nick to put on the red suit and drive a sleigh lead by a team of My Little Ponies with Sparkle Pony sparkling the way (of course)! Rainbow Brite’s got shotgun with pookie n’ em! Wildin’ out, as always.

I love how cartoon Nick and Mariah look nothing like real life Nick and Mariah. And I like how cartoon Mariah is nice n’ “I just got back from Acapulco” brown, but still has super blonde hair. Awesome. Where’s that pesky barf bag? Anyway, I just did this to torture you because you were all such good sports about my Glitters n’ Chuckles blog hijacking from November.

Now, I’m going to eat some German chocolate cake and watch a bazillion movies. Unless something breaks I’ll see ya’ Monday. Stay totally Sparkle Pony n’ shizz! (Copy of Xmas card from MCODB)

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Written by blacksnob

December 24, 2008 at 7:47 pm

Final Weekend Open Thread With Glitter And Chuckles

with 19 comments

Glitter and Chuckles want to know what was big this week and want to tell you that no matter what you thought of Snob’s two week vacation you love them. For reals. You enjoyed them babysitting the site for her. You love them. They swear, you do. You are going to miss seeing their beautiful selves every day when you wake up looking all “Touch My Body” and “We Belong Together.” You’re going to miss it!

“Admit it,” Glitter shouts, “ADMIT IT, YOU LOVE ME!!!!! I mean US. You love US!”

SING IT, GLITTER!

“Who you wanna see when the page loads up! Then you click on our pictures, you can’t get enough! You love my half-shirts and my booty short-shorts! Nick’s abs are fire! We and-Black-Snob-Readers BELONG TOO-GEEEETHEEEEER!”

Written by blacksnob

November 22, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Open Thread: Can a 10-year-old Be A Trendsetter Or When Are You Too Old To Wear A Half Top?

with 20 comments

Topic starters: The Wall Street Journal’s fashion blog thinks little Malia Obama could be junior fashionista, but can you be that at ten when your mom is still picking out the majority of your clothes? And how can one that young set trends when they don’t work for Disney?

Or, Glitter is obsessed with half-tops, mini skirts and short-shorts and Glitter still has a flat stomach (kinda), so, no big if she wants to wear them, but … when are you “too old” for the half top? I know Mimi thinks she’s forever young, but that’s not really how aging works.

Written by blacksnob

November 21, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Open Thread: Your Dream Inaugural Dress for Michelle or Nick and Mariah’s Tattoos

with 26 comments

Starter topic: Name a designer or post a link to a picture of your dream dress for Michelle Obama come the night of the Inaugural ball OR discuss whether or not Nick and Mariah will ever come to regret those tattoos they got, especially Nick, since his is HUGE and across his back like Glitter McSparkles used a giant labeler to claim him as hers and hers alone.

Written by blacksnob

November 20, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Open Thread: Shoes You’d Wish Michelle Would Wear Or Is Nick Cannon Sexy?

with 47 comments

Starter Topics: A lot of hubbub was made over the designer shiny red leather pumps Sarah Palin rocked on the stump and I have to admit, The Snob had shoe envy. I have terrible, no good wide, flat feet and short, stubby toes. My ex once told me I had “Flintstone feet.” They’re not that bad, but I could never wear those shoes. But Michelle Obama could wear some fly shoes.

Throughout the campaign she was almost always stuck in a pair of flats and I wondered, if it’s OK for Cindy McCain to rock the stilettos and tower over her inflexible hubby, why can’t Michelle? Does she hate the three inch heel? Would it make her too Amazonian? Yet I desire for Tyra Banks or Kimora or Condoleezza Rice to sneak Shelly O. a pair of banging pumps. Michelle doesn’t need to be Imelda Marcos or anything, but I just want to see her in heels. Here is my fantasy shoe collection, none of which I can afford or wear.

What kind of shoes would you like to see Michelle in?

PS. If you see a pair of shoes you’re curious about, just ask and I’ll tell you the brand and where I found them.

Or, riddle me this …

Do you find this man attractive? The verdict is still out on Chuckles, husband of Glitter, for The Snob. What about you?

Written by blacksnob

November 19, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Open Thread: Civil Rights In the Obama Administration OR Does This Look Like A Woman Who Wants To Push Out A Baby?

with 15 comments

Starter Topic: The Rev. Al Sharpton is pushing for President-Elect Barack Obama to pick an Attorney General who will address police brutality issues. How will activists like Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, as well as groups like the Urban League and the NAACP adjust to an Obama Administration? Will new groups and leaders rise? If so, who do you think will benefit in the Obama Era?

Or … Does this look like a woman who wants to have kids?

Glitter swears she wants to have kids, but Glitter also has a paranoia about being fat or unattractive. She once had a meltdown while working on a film where she had to be unattractive. She could handle wearing cornrows, but couldn’t adjust to being ordinary looking and wearing next-to-no make-up. Almost every magazine cover Glitter does is airbrushed to hell and back.

Plus, Glitter has a body that WANTS to be fat. I mean, remember when she was a twig, then one day, she ate a sandwich and became a thicky-thick girl? Mind you, I think Glitter is actually hot from the neck down (and sometimes from the face up). She looks better with the extra 20 lbs and the boob job. But being 38 there’s no guarantee she’ll just bounce back like Sexiest Woman in the History of the Known UniverseHalle Berry. Getting knocked up carries a ton of risks to her boob-tummy-ass-thigh region. So will Glitter actually have Chuckles big head babies? Or does Glitter just want to continue to play house with her funny hubby?

Written by blacksnob

November 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Open Thread: Are you black, American or African American OR Do Chuckles and Glitter Make Sense?

with 58 comments

Today’s starter topic: What do you prefer to call yourself? The Black Snob obviously prefers “black,” otherwise I’d be “The African American Snob.” The Snob feels this way because despite her love and admiration of various African cultures, she knows she is not African in any sense of the word. Other than having some African ancestry, The Snob, like most black Americans, is a little bit of everything.

As John McWhorter once wrote:

Modern America is home now to millions of immigrants who were born in Africa. Their cultures and identities are split between Africa and the United States. They have last names like Onwughalu and Senkofa. They speak languages like Wolof, Twi, Yoruba and Hausa, and speak English with an accent. They were raised on African cuisine, music, dance and dress styles, customs and family dynamics. Their children often speak or at least understand their parents’ native language.

Living descendants of slaves in America neither knew their African ancestors nor even have elder relatives who knew them. Most of us worship in Christian churches. Our cuisine is more southern U.S. than Senegalese. Starting with ragtime and jazz, we gave America intoxicating musical beats based on African conceptions of rhythm, but with melody and harmony based on Western traditions.

Also, we speak English. Black Americans’ home speech is largely based on local dialects of England and Ireland. Africa echoes in the dialect only as a whisper, in certain aspects of sound and melody. A working-class black man in Cincinnati has more in common with a working-class white man in Providence than with a Ghanaian.

I gotta say, The Snob agrees with McWhorter on this one. And the many African kids I went to college with second that. They thought us American blacks were effing nuts. But to be fair, most of the black Americans I knew at my college thought they ate dogs and smelled funny so everyone was being a bigoted asshole all the way around. A few of us became friends despite the fact that our respective groups were ignorant as hell about each other.

While I use both terms interchangeably, I prefer black because it makes more sense. Besides, white people, who chose to be called white, seem to be pretty comfortable with their catch-all term for Americans of various European ancestry. As for the term American, I was married to a former Marine from a military family who resented being called an American. I, like most black people, have mixed feelings. I’m proud to be an American but I’m not blind to our history in this country. America hasn’t exactly been a pleasure cruise for us former beasts of burden. But what do you think? What do you call yourselves? How do you feel about being “American?”

Or, discuss this as a starter:

Do Glitter and Chuckles make sense as a couple to you? I didn’t get it at first. Now I’m warming up to it. It’s hilarious to me now (obviously), and I hope Mariah has found the My Little Pony of Happiness she always desired after previous relationships (Tommy Mottola’s old ass, Derek Jeter, Eminem’s dysfunctional, hateful ass …) crashed and burned. But she’s a child at heart and he’s almost a child. But does it make sense to you? Did you always see Nick or Mariah with someone, ANYONE, different? Who would you have matched them up with? I thought she and my fair Wentworth Miller were “hawt” in “We Belong Together,” but they totally didn’t belong together. I want Wenty to either steal Paula Patton from Robin Thicke or wrap himself up in the Grey Fox of CNN, Anderson Cooper.

Your thoughts?

Written by blacksnob

November 17, 2008 at 12:00 pm