The Black Snob

Politics. Pop Culture. Pretentiousness.

Archive for the ‘music’ Category

People I Don’t Want To Be: Solange Knowles

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Did anyone catch Solange Knowles on Letterman Monday night? I caught a glimpse of the performance on accident and was reminded, yet again, how much it sucks to be in the shadow of a sibling/spouse/parent who is bigger, badder and better than you at everything. An individual you will be compared to and will never be good enough to satisfy those who became enamored with your loved one/rival.

Solange is an average, but pretty performer who tries really, really hard and because of this I know that if she weren’t the other daughter of Tina and Matthew Knowles, the parents who produced Beyonce, she would be doing anything but singing. She’d be in college. Or she’d be working at a bank or sewing in your weave. But she wouldn’t be singing for her supper.

Not everyone can be Janet Jackson. Most are Tito Jackson. Not everyone is Eddie Murphy, but if Solange is lucky she can find her own niche like Charlie Murphy whose career was reborn once he started playing a thug life version of himself on the Chappelle Show and famously recounted tales of slap fights with Rick James.

Maybe Solange had slap fights with Rihanna or Jamie Lyn Spears or something. Maybe she got in a scuffle with Jennifer Freeman or Kyla Pratt or Meagan Good or Jurnee Smollette or [insert young blacktress here]. Maybe she’s a better actress than her sister? Or designer? Or she could run for senate? But by singing and performing she is just ramming her head into a giant brick wall of Beyonce.

Every performance Solange gives will be like she just had to come on stage after her sister ripped it up dress in an homage to Josephine Baker while singing “Crazy In Love.” It doesn’t matter if Beyonce isn’t anywhere in the room. That’s what everyone is thinking.

She’s a cute kid. It’s a shame really. Especially the dancing. The dancing looked extra crazy. Some described it as “Suge Avery-esque.” I would have gone with seizure-esque, but see, this, this is what happens when you’re Beyonce’s sister and you have no hips because you’re skinny and you look ridiculous trying to dance like a wild woman like she does.

But shake that weave any ol’ way. You’ll figure it out on your own.

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Written by blacksnob

August 27, 2008 at 12:19 am

Say It Ain’t So, Luda … Barack Soooo Needs Rapper Insurance

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“Obama probably likes this song but he can’t be like man this song is the shit when it talks badly about the other candidates. Luda is making some hot tracks as always.” — commenter Ek at the site Baller Status.

No. Not from the dude behind “Chicken and Beer!” How could he produce something deemed “offensive?” Not the guy both Bill O’Reilly and Oprah Winfrey have beef with. I’m shocked, I tell you. SHOCKED that a rapper/actor like Ludacris produced a hot track presidential candidate Barack Obama had to denounce. Shocked, I say!

From BBC News (thanks, Tamra and Bam):

The musician used a misogynistic term to describe Mrs. Clinton and urged Mr. Obama against appointing her as his running mate, saying that she “hated on you”.

Mr McCain, the Republican candidate for the presidency, does not belong in “any chair unless he’s paralyzed”, according to the rapper.

Mr Burton added: “As Barack Obama has said many, many times in the past, rap lyrics today too often perpetuate misogyny, materialism, and degrading images that he doesn’t want his daughters or any children exposed to.”

The Ludacris song urges black people to cast their votes in the forthcoming election, and lends his support to Mr Obama’s bid.

The lyric “the world is ready for change ’cause Obama is here” is repeated throughout the track.

In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine earlier this year, Mr Obama included Ludacris when describing hip-hop stars he considered “great talents and great businessmen.”

Listen to the track at Pop Crunch.

In the song Luda says W. is the worst of all 43 presidents (for sure) and that Obama is his man because he complimented his business savvy. (He’d also like to be vice president. Hmm … I’m still holding out for Will Smith.)

Of course the Obama campaign had to get out their denouncement pen to squash this little “paint the White house black” musical atom bomb.

A song by rap star Ludacris criticizing Barack Obama’s opponents has been called “outrageously offensive” by the US presidential candidate’s campaign.

(The song) “Politics As Usual” calls President Bush “mentally handicapped,” and insults both Hillary Clinton and John McCain.

“Ludacris is a talented individual but he should be ashamed of these lyrics,” said Mr. Obama’s spokesman Bill Burton.

World is ready for change because Obama is here? I just can’t hold back all this shock and awe. I’m just so very, very surprised. Oh dear. I think I caught the vapors!

Whew. Now that I’ve revived myself with some smelling salts I can finally address this issue with some clarity. Not known for their ability to keep it kosher, rappers are not the most, ahem, PC of poets to deal with politically. Traditionally, the classic progressive rapper was all about challenging the established order. Now most of those rappers have been reduced to indie status and the only commercially viable “conscious” rappers left are Nas, Lupe Fiasco and sometimes KanyeGeorge Bush doesn’t care about black peopleWest.

But these rap individuals are not known for their class, and sometimes their acts of “art” can amount to cultural perfidy. I know some folks consider Luda an artist, but I can’t say I’m a fan of his work. I didn’t agree with Bill O’Reilly’s foolish fatwa on the dude and I really thought he and other rappers should have just dropped the whole “Oprah won’t have us on” beef because how hard rock are you if you want to be on Oprah’s sensitive daytime hour for women of a certain age? Rapper/actor, be accountable for what you say. You knew you were going to piss of people when you wrote it, so seriously, who cares?

Well … I guess the Obama campaign cares if a pro-Obama, anti-everyone else diss track comes out.

I’d like to give Luda the “Not Helping!” award today just to make a point, but the reality is Obama’s campaign has brought out both the politics and the opportunism in rappers. There are going to be a lot of pro-Obama songs. Nas has his “Black President” jam (which is actually pretty awesome). But while Luda’s “Politics As Usual” may be relevant, and some might even agree with the content of it, the Obama campaign can’t afford to be cavorting with rappers who’ve extolled the virtues of licking a woman from her head to her toes. Wha-wha-wha-what’s your fan-fan-fan-fantasy, Luda? A black president?

This is a time bomb of a thousand Sister Soulja Moments waiting to happen. Let the great rapper denouncement begin! I personally think the campaign should start “pre-denouncing” some rappers before they get creative. You know? As a form of rapper insurance. Come up with a good/bad rappers list and get to pre-denouncing. I nominate St. Louis’ own Nelly. That whole credit card through the crack of a woman’s ass could come back to hurt you, Barack. And put Lil’ Jon on the list too. And T-Pain. And of course, Lil’ Weezy. God. We can’t have anyone thinking he speaks for the Great Black Hopemongerer. A matter of fact, all rappers are too risky. They’ve all dropped the n-word once or twice or a million times. They’ve all been dissed by Oprah and O’Reilly. They all still scare old white people even though rappers are staunch gun owning capitalists who should all really be Republicans by now anyway.

And The Daily Show agrees with me.

But rappers don’t want to out themselves in that manner, I’m sure. Belonging to the GOP this year is not the hip, dope, fresh thing to do. So until the Republicans are able to lure them into their midst, a la Eazy-E, we’re going to have to deal with things like this.

I’m not saying rappers should be silenced. Far from that. I’m pro-rappers rapping whatever exists in their little hearts. (Big ups to the First Amendment!) I’m just saying they should be prepared to get denounced, which could actually be a boon for them. After all, in rap all negatives are really positives. I’m sure Luda, et al, can flip this little snub into the ultimate megamix diss track. And that would really help Obama, because then he could disassociate himself from yet another group of undesirables.

You can’t be the “rapper’s choice” for prez if the rappers are rapping against you.

Written by blacksnob

July 31, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Mr. Baby Wipes Goes Pop

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I don’t know how this pass through my Snob radar, but actor, unrepentant black snob and baby wipes aficionado Terrence Howard has cut a record.

And it doesn’t sound half bad. Seriously. This could have been a lot worse, but it’s actually kind of awesome.

Snob reader Hollins JD Princess brought this to my attention a few days ago and I finally got around to checking Billy Dee Williams 2.0 out.

A lot of actors have attempted to release albums with mixed results. Eddie Murphy abused ear drums through “Put Your Mouth On Me.” Scarlett Johansson was either terrible or terribly misunderstood through her cover album of Tom Waits’ tracks, “Anywhere I Lay My Head.” (I actually liked “Fannin Street” and “Falling Down.” So her voice is so deep she sounds like a man? I still own Grace Jones’ albums.) Jamie Foxx can warble a tune and I think I still have Arsenio Hall’s Chucky A cassette tape somewhere, but the rule pretty much remains that if you’re an actor who wants to sing — don’t quit your day job. I loved Ewan McGreggor in “Moulin Rouge” but I don’t want to plunk down $17.99 for him doing covers of Coldplay and U2 songs.

Yet, Terrence may make me toss out a few dollars for a song or three. Why, pray tell, would I, a broke person, do such a thing?

1. His voice kind of reminds me of another “Terence” — Terence Trent D’Arby, aka Mr. Sananda Maitreya, who I love, love, love almost as much as Prince.

2. The songs are what I like, an adventurous fusion of alternative rock, soul and pop. He doesn’t have D’Arby range or heft (who rules this sort of fusion, bested only by Prince), but on “Love Makes You Beautiful” he comes as close to a D’Arby song as you can.

3. I didn’t hear any vocoder abuse in the tracks promoted. That’s a plus. Nor do the tracks sound like anything currently being played on Crap Radio right now. Howard has attempted a 100 percent for-black-snobs-by-a-black-snob project that could fit nicely between other black snob artists like British rocker Skin of Skunk Anansie, jazz saxophonist Joshua Redman and poet Gil Scott-Heron.

You will be accused by some of being pretentious or even queer for listening to Terrence’s singing/songwriting debut — which features string arrangements and children’s choruses. Yes. It’s that fey. But if you already listen to Skunk Anansie, TTD, all kinds of Prince or own a bunch of Meshell Ndegeocello albums you stopped caring that less astute Negroes thought your music collection was gay years ago.

4. I will admit to snickering a little as I imagined Terrence singing these songs to me, but once you get over that initial “you’re kidding right?” attitude, it’s pretty decent if you’re into non-traditional R&B, which I am.

Now, if only he could get Sananda to re-record all the songs and put out a “Terence Sings Terrence!” album. Howard’s voice is serviceable, but nothing beats the original Terence.

Hear Terrence Howard sing love ballads to you via MySpace here!

Written by blacksnob

July 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

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Vivica Fox and Jessica Simpson came to party for Jessica’s 28th B-Day.

Cowgirl up.

Is there no place Vivica Fox won’t go get drunk in? Does she even work anymore because I think she’s trying to break Gabrielle Union’s record for hitting more random parties featuring people she just barely knows. How tight could V be with the Simpson sisters that she was a VIP as Jessica’s birthday party July 7th?

DJ Cassidy’s 27th Birthday Party, July 9

I’m really feeling Cassidy’s retro pink tux with burgundy bowtie. It makes him look like a douche, but a clever, indie douche which is what I think he was going for. He’s the Summer’s Eve of ironic dressers. As for Russell Simmons over there and his usually dressing for understatement or … no statement, well … at least he showed up.

Professional MAW (model/actress/whatever) Cassie manufactures herself a wind blown look by standing in front of this floor fan. So is she still trying to sing? What’s her hustle these days? She’s cute as a button. Surely Tommy Hilfiger or someone has something for her to do besides show up at parties, stand near the closest fan and pretend like she’s Madonna in “Desperately Seeking Susan.” Or she can visualize herself in slo-mo like Pheobe Cates in “Fast Times in Ridgemount High.” Dance seductively to herself like Halle Berry in “Strictly Business.” Basically, I’m saying she’s eye candy. She should stick with that.

Who are these Retro Kids? Do they have a single coming out or something because the constant emergence of their two-toned high top fades have my interests piqued. Are they concept art? A dance crew? Pranksters? Inquiring minds want to know!

Kat Deluna. Not digging the high waisted shorts. It’s not that I don’t like high waisted, let’s go back to the 1940s high waisted short, it’s just if you’re going to go retro you should commit yourself to it. Christina Aguliera does this all the times, as the 30s and 40s are among her favorite fashion periods. Wear the crisply ironed white shirt. Wear the high, shiny, ruby red closed toe high heel. Get a neck scarf and put your hair in pin curls! Commit, woman! Commit!

Lizzie Grubman and Mashonda. She may not have gotten in much trouble for running over a punch of party goers with her car, but Lizzie face still looks like it did 30 years in Rikers.

JD … The neck tats. Those google-eyes. Damn, it must be love for, Janet. It must be LOVE!!!

Another puffed up, Calvin-style, fitted cap. A red Palestinian style scarf. Aviator shades, Just-For-Me so-soft permed hair and a white T-shirt. If he didn’t already look like every other rapper out there you’d never know his name was Unique.

America’s Next Top Model winner Jaslene Gonzalez forgot something. And because she forgot that something (on purpose) she cannot bend, sit, tilt, walk, turn, nod or rotate her torso because one false move and the double stick tape could give way to a boob outage of major proportions. I get that she’s dressed for attention. (Top Model’s past is strewn with has-beens and never-wases) But she also looks like a walk-on in the soft core porno “Law and Oral: Sexual Vices Unit” and she’s Asst. District Attorney Ora Gasms. She never loses a case because of her “special technique” at procuring confessions during plea bargains.

Then she’d do a three-way with Coco and Ice-T at the end of ever episode. Finally, Ice-T could combine both his work and his disgusting pleasures. Joy to all. Get Dick Wolf on the phone Jaslene!

Young Berg. There are sometimes no words. It’s like you stole Pharrell Williams and Benji Madden’s clothes, covered yourself in Lil’ Wayne’s tats and you are still carrying that Autobot bling like a tire iron around your neck. And the fat, tongue out red Chucks? Very All-Star-esque. Pardon me while I puke up a Hot Topic.

Written by blacksnob

July 13, 2008 at 3:28 pm

Posted in celebrities, fashion, music

Check Yer Wig!

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I’m not implying that the lovely Lynn Whitfield is making sure her $12 special isn’t crooked. (Mostly because I think a good percentage of it is her hair.) Lynn is obviously auditioning for the remake of Klymaxx’sMeeting In the Lady’s Room” video. But “Check Yo’ Wig” seemed to be a better fit for this series of pictures from the only music festival I wish I could have attended (that wasn’t Coachella) — the Essence Music Festival, which happened over the Fourth of July holiday, ending July 6th. Here are a few highlights.

Chris Rock doing his funny for money; Musiq Soulchild looking a hot mess in an Obama, “Yes We Can” shirt — which I now fear is becoming the Che Guevara T-shirt/Malcolm X baseball cap of the 2000s; and Mary J. Blige.

Keyshia Cole. I like her voice a lot, but I’m sometimes a little concerned about her personality so I’ve been avoiding reading anything about her for the past two years.

Morris Day, performing with The Time. I love Morris and The Time and I own every Time album. Gigolos Get Lonely Too is the cut. And 777-9311? … So good I wish the Minneapolis Sound would stage a comeback. And don’t get me started on Ice Cream Castles, the greatest “make love, not racism” anthem ever created.

Mary J., Kanye and LL Cool J.

Chris Brown took nothing but bland, bland, bland photos for this event. This was especially odd considering he was all too willing to scar me mentally by faux humping Ciara whilst she was dressed as a dominatrix during one of the million replays of the 2008 BET Awards.

Aren’t they both like 12? And are people letting their kids watch this because Mama and Papa Snob let me watch Motown 25 with them and I don’t recall Michael Jackson rubbing his crotch all over Diana Ross’ girl parts. And all the Grammy Awards shows featured nothing but Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson and Babyface for nearly two decades. Will Smith, of all people, was the hip hop militant trying to get a best rap song category on the Grammys. Yet, I never saw ‘Face simulate cunnilingus with Pebbles during an extended Luther Campbell remix of “Love Makes Things Happen.”

But I’m practically ancient, being 30 and all. Maybe dressing in black latex and turning the weight room into a orgy pit/sex torture chamber is what’s hot in the streets these days.

Fortunately, Chris Brown’s real life dominatrix, Rihanna, took more arresting, back-bending photos.

I can’t tell how good she is at it (that “it” being singing), but that woman knows how to sell it. It’s like she digested and shitted out Matthew and Tina Knowles’ bestseller, “Be Your Own Pimp (Or At Least Your Kid’s Pimp … But In A Good Way!).” Whether she’s dressed like Madonna and Angelina Jolie’s love child who just broke up with Janet Jackson (Madonna and Ang — why didn’t that ever happen? Or did it?) or if she’s just your friendly, flirty, fantasy girl from the island she knows how to work what she has.

I’m not so sure about Brown. He’s cute, I guess. But I tend to like my menfolk Prince/Evan Ross fey or TikiWhy do we still have our clothes onBarber. I don’t like the mushy, shiny, goody-goody middle. And no matter how hard he dry humped Ciara I never really bought into it. Gross as Robert Sylvester Kelly is, it was game on every time he fake humped a girl for show. Seeing Chris Brown do that was like my initial reaction when I heard Tevin Campbell’s version of “Shhh.: Yeah, he could sing, but Tevin Campbell as a sex object? Sweet Lord, no. Being a filthy prepubescent perv was Usher Raymond’s thing.

But my larger point is … Chris Brown seems bland. Rihanna’s attractive and throwing all kinds of elbows to make her place as an R&B “It” girl. I’d forgotten Ciara was still working with the radio being nothing but wall-to-wall Rihanna songs right now. And in this era of “Everybody Loves (Usher) Raymond,” Chris Brown does not compute. He looks like he should be starring in High School Musical 3. Now granted, Rihanna could be in High School Musical 3 too, but she also looks like someone who’d pose half-naked in King Magazine or put shots of her under-boobage on MySpace just to get out of her Disney contract.

In a world based purely on who people “think” Rihanna and Chris are versus their actual personalities, Rihanna would be dating either an NBA-All Star (i.e. Chris Paul or LeBron James) or some Hollywood It Boy (Shia LaBeouf? I don’t like him but he’s an “it.”) and Chris Brown would be with either Raven Simone or the lesser Duff sister, Haylie.

Of course, I think Raven could do better.

Tyler Perry: So I got an idea for you, Mayor. Picture this … ‘Madea Meets New Orleans.’ It would tell the story of a young woman, played by Anika Noni Rose who loses everything in Hurricane Katrina. She’s raising her kid, the father deserted them during the storm, plus her sister’s four kids because she’s in prison for holding a some crack cocaine for her ex-boyfriend. She has lost all hope until her aunt twice-removed Madea shows up to get her and the rest of the Ninth Ward motivated to rebuild New Orleans for Jesus. And while she rallies the corrupt federal system for more support she is swept off her feet by a handsome young civil rights attorney played by Tyrese Gibson Boris Kodjoe Keenan Thompson*. What do you think?

Nagan: Turn the handsome attorney into the mayor of “Chocolate City” and I won’t charge you a lick of taxes to film here.

Perry: SOLD!

Solange Knowles and her son, “Baby” Daniel. Daniel appears to suffer from “cool baby” syndrome. Damn that Maddox Jolie-Pitt! One Mohawk and suddenly everyone’s toddler is Travis Barker.

Tavis Smiley and Prof. Cornell West

Bill Cosby and Rev. Al Sharpton

Bill Cosby and radio host Tom Joyner

MC Lyte. I’ve seen more of her the last ten days than I’ve seen of her the last ten years.

Michala Angela Davis, Lola Ogunnaike and DJ Beverly Bond

Keyshia Cole and her little dog

Broadway star Sheryl Lee Ralph and actor Boris Kodjoe

Adewale Ogunleye and Sanaa Lathan


* See comments!

Written by blacksnob

July 9, 2008 at 9:26 pm

Read This Blog: AverageBro On the BET Awards

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AverageBro watched so I didn’t have to. Thank you, play cousin! Click here for more!

Written by blacksnob

June 25, 2008 at 4:05 pm

Fashion Votes For Kerry Washington; Dwayne Gets Smart; and Will Smith Can’t Convince Me To See Hancock

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Tichina Arnold, Kerry Washington and Nicey Nash at the Fashion Votes gala, hosted by Washington

So many pictures of so many black people. I just couldn’t chose which was more important to put up — Kerry Washington looking ever-so-fetch in an Oriental accented silk dress, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson looking ever-so-delicious in a tux or the most recent fashion disaster Rihanna rocked on MTV.

I couldn’t resist. I blogged about them all!

FASHION VOTES

Kerry is so tiny and so adorable and so glowing that I want to murder her. I’ve never been able to pull off a silk anything as it makes me look like Chunky A. Like my back and stomach start to resemble rolls of Sacajawea coins. The fact that she can wear this pretty, flirty, little temptress number makes me feel very covetous. I like how the top half says modesty but the split up the side says, “The men all pause when I walk into the room.”

Kerry and designer Nanette Lepore

Alfre Woodard, I love you, but would it have killed you to try? It’s a fashion party, for goodness sake. Blond frizzy hair and a black headband says I’m hitting the gym, not posing next to timely election themed couture.

See, Alfre? Nicey Nash gets it. It’s a party. A sexy, fashionista party. Work a flower on the side of your head. Embrace fuchsia colored garments. Prop up your spectacular boobs. Do something!

Rockmond Dunbar. First off, I’m a big fan. Loved you on “Prison Break.” Sad that there’s been a dearth of Negroes on there ever since your character was sequestered away in the Witness Protection Program. (Wentworth Miller’s incognegroness does not count as he is not playing an incognegro on the show — as far as I can tell.)

While I think you’re muy, muy guapo, so guapo you could be on my Great Wall of Sexy, you don’t rock a hat as well as my murse lovin, bad boyfriend, Terrence Howard … but it was nice of you to try. Oh, Mr. Baby Wipes. Why can’t they all be as so fresh, so clean as you?

Tichina Arnold: Eh. She still tried harder than Alfre.

Miss Amerie seems to be suffering from the same “Ashy Larry” optical illusion that plagued Kerry Washington at Cannes last month. Like with Kerry, I do not believe Amerie actually left the house sans lotion, but without some sort of buttery sheen, brown legs will look like they’ve been “playing in flour” when photographed under such bright lights. You’re not doing your gams justice, girl. Use more Palmers.

That said, cute shoes. I like animal print in small doses. Now if only I could convince Kimora to do the same. Leopard doesn’t need to be on everything.

GET SMART

He was the best looking guy at the “Get Smart” premiere. And I’m not talking about the new Pink Panther Pimp, Terry Crews.

Oh, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. You’re so pretty and glowing that even your chin stubble is starting to look good to me. That twinkle. That smirk. The fact that you’re tall, buff and insanely good looking. I’d smell whatever you’d cook any day.

Dwayne and Get Smart star Steve Carell. I seriously hope this movie is funny. Or that there’s gratuitous amounts of The Rock and Anne Hathaway in it. Like, drenched in them. Like so sopping wet in his-and-her hotness that I’m too busy enjoying Dwayne’s handsome mug and her ability to make a burlap sack look good that I won’t even notice if Mr. Bruce Almighty’s latest shtick falls flat.

St. Louis’ own El Ced, Cedric The Entertainer. Once again, I love a man in a hat, but you sir are no Rockmond Dunbar. And I won’t even bring up Mr. Baby Wipes because his name shouldn’t even be typed next to yours. And a wooly plaid? In the summer time? Good day, sir!

C’mon. You know it. You love it. Admit it. You want that panther. That’s a powder pink that’ll make the panties drop with anticipation! And he’s rocking the three-button-down man-cleavage. And he brought his Jane Child-look-a-like, blond punk rock girlfriend (in white behind him). And he looks like he stole that suit from a New Jersey high school prom, circa 1978. You love it. You want it. I can feel you panting through the monitor.

What? You swear it’s not sexy?

BAM!

Now he’s holding his kid, Lil’ Terry Crews! Every thing’s hotter with kids. That’s what’s hot in the streets right now. Wearing pink three piece suits, showing off the man boobs while hoisting up your seed. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT! Sure, Lil’ Terry is givin’ his dad the side-eye but I bet that has nothing to do with him having a flash forward to when he’s 16 and his dad whips out this photo to show his Homecoming date. After all, the light salmon suit says, “I’m matching with Daddy!” But the face says, “No, Daddy! God, no!

HANCOCK PREMIERE (US and FRANCE)

This movie had 10 billion commercials running during the NBA Finals and it never stopped looking stupid.

Will Smith and Charlize Theron played nicety-nice for the cameras in France this week while promoting their summer action blockbuster. While I’m not the biggest Will Smith fan I tend to like his vehicles. Loved the original “Bad Boys,” loved the America, fuck yeah cheesiness of “Independence Day,” loved “Hitch” and “The Pursuit of Happyness.” I even didn’t mind “Ali,” although the execution of that film was shitacular. But I have a “Men in Black II” feeling about this Hancock thing.

He’s a wayward, bad boy super hero. Really? He’s the bitter, drunken Superman. Is that so? Maybe this would be novel if The Punisher, Wolverine, Iron Man, Captain Jack Sparrow, HellBoy, Scud the Disposable Assassin and Howard the Duck didn’t already exist. Never mind that all the shit that is supposed to be snarky badassery in the trailers prompts copious eye rolling by moi. But I’m sure someone will plunk down a ten spot to sit through this well treaded ground.

My San Antonio Spurs former frog amour, Tony Parker and his wee petite wife Eva Longoria. We fake broke up after he married that desperate, diminutive Tex-Mex woodland sprite.

PLEASE DON’T STOP THE DRESSING THIS HORRIBLY

Rihanna is once again adorable from the neck up, but from down below I still hate her clothes. She chose to pop in at MTV’s TRL totally dressed like this.

No, baby, no. The boots! The pointy toed, spiderweb, Witches of Eastwick looking boots! The high-waisted baby doll dress with the tight, Jazzercise stretchy top! I swear, if I didn’t know better I’d think that Mama Tina was creating her wardrobe. Only I don’t know if Beyonce’s moms would be trying to help RiRi or sabotage her as, I love Mama Tina, but her clothes … not so much.

I hate it.

Oh sweet Lord, do I hate it. But the jacket is cute. Better luck next time.