The Black Snob

Politics. Pop Culture. Pretentiousness.

Archive for the ‘The Snob’ Category

Randomness: Granny Snob Wants Great-GrandSnobs, Wonders Why I’m Not Mrs. Obama

with 35 comments

In light of my most recent post on interracial dating I found it hilarious that my grandmother, the unsinkable Granny Snob, (pictured on the left) called me early this afternoon to inform me (yet again) that I needed to have children. This is not the first time she has done this. This is part of an ongoing series in conversations with her where she reminds me of how old I am and how I need to give her some grandbabies.

Now mind you, she has tons of grandchildren and great-grandchildren on account having nine children of her own, most of whom married, then had kids who in turn produced children as well. But none of her eldest daughter’s children, my dear Mama Snob, have kids. We’re not even married. And for some reason she enjoys yelling at me about this, but not my sisters.

But what was different about today’s conversation was the “Rainbow Coalition” tone and the new Barack Obama spin on today’s conversation.

GRANNY SNOB: So how’s the boyfriend coming?

THE BLACK SNOB: What? I don’t have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Didn’t you say you were dating some preacher’s son or someone you went to school with or something?

TBS: Um … no.

GRANNY SNOB: I thought you or your mama told me that?

TBS: Unless you know something I don’t, I don’t have a boyfriend.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, what’s the matter? What’s taking so long?

TBS: I just haven’t met anybody.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, I need some grandbabies!

TBS: You have grandbabies! I’m your grandbaby!

GRANNY SNOB: No. I want to see your baby. I want to see you have a baby that looks just like your father! We need another (Papa Snob)! And don’t wait around for some black dude. If you can’t find a black dude then just marry a white!

This was the point at which I was somewhat surprised, considering I’m pretty sure Granny Snob still uses the word “Peckerwood” with high frequency and for decades has been the opposite of enthusiastic for interracial coupling. But as the conversation continued I was able to see what may have sparked this “revolution” in her mind.

TBS: OK.

GRANNY SNOB: I mean it! The white women are taking all the crazy black dudes. I don’t know why.

TBS: Well, if they’re crazy then they can have them.

GRANNY SNOB: There are white men out there marrying black women. And I don’t know why you didn’t get Obama! You should have gotten Obama!

TBS: I’m pretty sure I was elementary school when he met Michelle, Granny. I don’t think I had a shot at ten.

GRANNY SNOB: He’s not that old! I heard he was only 40!

TBS: He’s 47. And when was I supposed to meet him? I was still wearing Wonder Woman underoos.

GRANNY SNOB: Well, you should have gotten Obama, but I guess that’s too late.

TBS: Um … yeah.

GRANNY SNOB: Don’t waste time. You need to find somebody. I’m afraid you’re going to wait until I’ve taken my final rest for you to have a baby and I want to see it!

And I hate it when she does this because I really do want her to be with us if I get married and have a family, but does she have to play the “I’m 80! I could die tomorrow!” card all the time? She’s been pulling this card since she turned 60.

TBS: OK. I’ll try.

GRANNY SNOB: I don’t care what Mama and Daddy say. They want grandbabies too! And don’t wait for a black dude. Marry a white if you have to! I’m serious! I don’t know what’s wrong with black folks.

TBS: OK. I love you, Granny!

___________________________

I pretty much giggled through the whole conversation because what were the odds that this week would be the week she would unveil her new “marry a white guy” strategy to get some great-grandchildren out of me. But with a biracial president and Granny Snob reading the same dire statistics as every black woman, her obsession with me producing a preferably male child who resembles my daddy (who she adores without question) is paramount.

I still don’t know how I was supposed to snag Barack in my Garanimals, (and if I could’ve, he’d be in prison, not president!) but this is my grandmother. I love the fact that she thinks I could have been the First Lady even though I’m not from Chicago and there is a 16 year age difference. Love that Granny Snob. She thinks I have the skills to mack on the president. Now if you don’t mind, I have to go stalk some men and ask bluntly on first dates “Are you going to give my grandmother some grandbabies who look like Papa Snob, because if not, you’re wasting our time. She’s 80. She could take her final nap any day now!

Advertisements

Written by blacksnob

December 11, 2008 at 7:20 pm

Fat Like Me: Oprah Is Big Again (And Not In the Manner She Prefers)

with 18 comments

I wonder why she had to announce it? She’s on TV everyday. You can see that she’s gained the weight back. Wait. She has a magazine to sell. Never mind. (Read her story here.)

That said, as a person who also struggles with weight and diet, I feel for Oprah. (All that rich just won’t buy her thin!) This also reminded me of one of my internal conflicts in regards to weight and the black woman. Obesity is a huge problem in the black community. One of the most common stereotypes of black women are that we are loud, unladylike, rude and horribly fat. Even though most people judge me by my intellect and charm, with me not being a size zero there is always a voice in the back of my head telling me not to lose weight because of my health or because I’ll feel better, but because I don’t want to be the stereotype.

Once again, everything about blackness is woefully political. Even my fat cells. Very, very annoying. I try to remind myself that I’m already refuting a stereotype by existing. I don’t need to be a size two to drive the point home. But the psychology of being black in America and dealing with negative images often means you spend a lot of time fighting the ignorance clogging up your own head.

That, and the public has issues with fat people to begin with, so it’s pretty easy to develop a complex and about ten or twelve eating disorders.

Written by blacksnob

December 10, 2008 at 8:22 pm

While I Was Away …

with 21 comments

Paint the White House black! This and other things I pondered while I was away. (Read about the “Black House” ad here.)

Planning. Pondering. Procrastinating.

The Snob spent her two quasi weeks off from the blog working a job she semi-hates for cash; applying for better jobs that will hopefully (cross fingers!) come with health benefits; writing a pilot for a potential TV show (details to follow if anything materializes); discussing taking one of my screenplays and giving it the graphic novel treatment, a la “Watchmen,” with a graphic artist buddy of mine; occasionally updating the blog and my Facebook page; looking into Web hosting and a new design for the site and planning towards the site relaunch deadline of January 20, 2009.

It was a good use of my time off and while I’m officially back and blogging, things will be getting up to speed gradually with the help of some guest posts from a friend of The Snob. It might be a second before I’m rapidly posting six times a day as I was during the last two weeks of the election. Mostly because I want to be able to finish those new projects and keep the blog updated.

I’ll post some more this afternoon, but, if you weren’t on Facebook and missed what I was reading and talking about, here’s are a few of the big issues that popped up while I was away.

Barack Obama: The House Negro … Seriously? (Associated Press)

CAIRO, Egypt – Al-Qaida‘s No. 2 leader used a racial epithet to insult Barack Obama in a message posted Wednesday, describing the president-elect in demeaning terms that imply he does the bidding of whites. The message appeared chiefly aimed at persuading Muslims and Arabs that Obama does not represent a change in U.S. policies.

Ayman al-Zawahri said in the message, which appeared on militant Web sites, that Obama is “the direct opposite of honorable black Americans” like Malcolm X, the 1960s African-American rights leader.

In al-Qaida’s first response to Obama’s victory, al-Zawahri also called the president-elect — along with secretaries of state Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice — “house Negroes.”

Speaking in Arabic, al-Zawahri uses the term “abeed al-beit,” which literally translates as “house slaves.” But al-Qaida supplied English subtitles of his speech that included the translation as “house Negroes.”

The message also includes old footage of speeches by Malcolm X in which he explains the term, saying black slaves who worked in their white masters’ house were more servile than those who worked in the fields. Malcolm X used the term to criticize black leaders he accused of not standing up to whites.

It always fascinates me when people from other countries crack open some books and learn some of the racially explicit history of America and the terms that come with it. So, um, hearing a non-black American call a black American a “House Negro” is a little hilarious. You know? Where I want to say, Hey? I didn’t notice you on the plantation, Zawahiri! Where you picking cotton or tending to the horses? I suppose the “world” could be a plantation, but I think we’re giving the Masters of the Universe, aka the G-8, a little too much credit here.

(A)l-Qaeda didn’t say this to influence us Negroes in America, but other Muslims internationally, specifically the ones who may be impressed by Obama and his election. It’s not going to help them any if people are debating the merits of the Western world again. They work best when they’ve convinced everyone that we live in an amoral, racist wasteland with no soul, driven only by selfish desire and money. They’re trying to a win a propaganda war for the “hearts and minds” of the people. You can’t do that if people are all impressed with the cool black guy everyone else is talking about.

Michelle Obama in Paris Match Magazine

Nice. Very nice.

Alan Keyes won’t stop his Captain Ahab routine (Georgia NBC affiliate)

SACRAMENTO, Calif.- A former opponent of Barack Obama’s has come back to haunt him over questions regarding Obama’s citizenship.

According to a press release from the American Independent Party, former presidential candidate Alan Keyes and other members of the party have filed suit in California Superior Court in Sacramento to stop the state from giving its electoral votes to President-elect Barack Obama until documentary evidence is provided to prove Obama is indeed a natural born citizen of the United States. A copy of the writ can be found here.

This is a joke right? Why, Alan, why? Why go down this rabbit hole when it’s dunzo? The man is president. He’s a US citizen and it’s hard to get all Jean Val Jean on the frickin’ president of the US. Are you going to bust down a citizen’s arrest on President-elect O-Man? You’re worse than the “Bill and Hillary Clinton murdered people in Arkansas” people.

Considering (Keyes) couldn’t get to the top of the Republican ticket and neither the Constitution Party or Libertarian Party wanted anything to do with him that should say something. I want to write Keyes and tell him that he obviously freaks people out and should consider a new line of work that doesn’t involve winning a popular or electoral vote count.

Barack and Michelle: The New Brangelina? (Washington Post)

Have Barack and Michelle become the Frosted Lucky Charms of the media? Everything they touch turns into ratings and revenue.

Perhaps it was the announcement that NBC News is coming out with a DVD titled “Yes We Can: The Barack Obama Story.” Or that ABC and USA Today are rushing out a book on the election. Or that HBO has snapped up a documentary on Obama’s campaign.

Perhaps it was the Newsweek commemorative issue — “Obama’s American Dream” — filled with so many iconic images and such stirring prose that it could have been campaign literature. Or the Time cover depicting Obama as FDR, complete with jaunty cigarette holder.

Are the media capable of merchandizing the moment, packaging a president-elect for profit? Yes, they are.

What’s troubling here goes beyond the clanging of cash registers. Media outlets have always tried to make a few bucks off the next big thing. The endless campaign is over, and there’s nothing wrong with the country pulling together, however briefly, behind its new leader. But we seem to have crossed a cultural line into mythmaking.

“The Obamas’ New Life!” blares People’s cover, with a shot of the family. “New home, new friends, new puppy!” Us Weekly goes with a Barack quote: “I Think I’m a Pretty Cool Dad.” The Chicago Tribune trumpets that Michelle “is poised to be the new Oprah and the next Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis — combined!” for the fashion world.

Whew! Are journalists fostering the notion that Obama is invincible, the leader of what the New York Times dubbed “Generation O”?

Between being on the cover of every newspaper and magazine at home and abroad and all over the TV I’m starting to think that if you just stand in the general vicinity of the O-Man and the O-Woman and click your heels three times God will begin to rain down whatever you’ve had your heart set on. Like men, money, actual rain. (Esp. in the case of California. You think they’d run out of spots the burn, but I lived there for five years. Sadly, they don’t.)

SNL totally doesn’t need people of color to accurately spoof a multi-ethnic Obama Administration (Entertainment Weekly)

SNL hired some new folks. No big. Just some more lovely white ladies. Maybe one of them is the next Tina Fey. Maybe. But you know who neither of them will be? Michelle Obama in any sketch about Obama over the next four-to-eight years.

Let’s put aside the fact that SNL often has trouble figuring out what to do with its black actors (Eddie Murphy famously hovered in the background of his first sketch) and rarely hires black actresses (only Rudolph, Danitra Vance, Yvonne Hudson, and Ellen Cleghorne made it to the cast in the show’s 33-year history). Are we really supposed to believe that in the two years the Obamas have been in the national spotlight SNL hasn’t been able to find actors of color who can portray them—in addition to being funny and versatile on the rest of the show?

Maybe all of this eye-rolling is premature. Maybe there’s an announcement coming soon from Studio 8H that they’ve discovered this apparently rarest of species: funny black people. We sure hope so. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long, dry four years.

I’m fine with SNL hiring whomever, I’m just really, really, really, really hoping Fred Armisen’s impression of Barack improves exponentially to make up for the light brown-face.

Seriously.

Although I had to laugh at the EW writer’s last line making it sound like “funny black people” are this rarity when in American comedy the only thing bigger than “funny black people” are “funny Jewish people.”

Biggest sitcoms of all time were The Cosby Show and Seinfeld. The market has spoken! Jews and blacks got comedy on lock! Now find me a black Jewish comic and sweet merciful Moses, all hell-larity would break loose. Jewish black mother jokes? Getting Jay-Z at your nephew’s Bar Mitzvah? Both bagel and fried chicken jokes?

I’m so there.

PS. A reader asked me if Whoopi Goldberg counts as the magical black Jewish comic. I say … she’s pretty close!

Written by blacksnob

November 24, 2008 at 12:02 pm

The Blog Vacation

with 15 comments

It’ll be over come Monday. (For the Glitter n’ Chuckles-askance, your pain is measured only in a matter of days!)

I’ve been working hard at my pathetic for pay job as well as trying to come up with ideas for the blog relaunch in January. (The deadline is for the new redesigned site to be up by Jan. 20 when Obama is inaugurated as the 44th president of the United States.)

I’m likely going to make the move to WordPress and fork over some dough to get some Web hosting. A few of you have offered to help, which is awesome and I will totally be contacting some of you in regards to your advice. Others of you have made great suggestions and requests on everything from what hosting I should go with to which individuals I should use to write about for a revamped “Incognegro” series. I am totally taking in all your feedback and if I’m slow in getting back to you (or I don’t get back to you) it’s because the response was so overwhelming. I appreciate that so many of you feel so strongly and positively about the site which is obviously still in a growing phase.

One thing I’m going to hate to do, but realize I have to do is follow the law in how I reproduce photos. The site is a victim of its own success and I can’t run around like a renegade forever like no one is reading this puppy but my sister and my best friend, so … there will be a lot fewer photos on BlackSnob 2.0 until I either become:

1) So insanely successful that I can afford a better picture service (least likely to happen)

2) Part of a larger publication that pays for the photos

3) A cheaper press photo service emerges similar to WireImage, which does only celebrity photos (boo!)

I’ll still have photos, but I probably won’t be as reckless when I put them up on the blog. I write this because during the final week of the election my readership doubled, including an extremely high spike on election day — a record high of 13,000 visits — and it has remained surprisingly high throughout my vacation and I’m not even busting out six posts a day. That and there has been a steady drip of attention from people with way more clout and credibility than me, therefore I need to clean house.

BlackSnob 2.0 will still mostly focus on pop culture and politics but I want to write a lot more about minorities in the media. I realize that a segment of you enjoy my unabashed stalking of CNN Weekend’s TJ Holmes but I’m actually fascinated by almost all media figures. (I think I’ve written repeatedly that I’m in love with Ann Curry on NBC and created an award for hot journalists in honor of Ed Bradley. I miss you, Ed!) TJ’s just on a short list of ones I find extremely attractive. But someone has to keep track of all the minority anchors, reporters, talking heads, pundits and politicos running about. I’m just going to appoint myself chief black/brown/Asian media stalker-gawker. Send your news to me. And if you’re a brown person in the media, send me tips and photos about yourself. I KNOW YOU READ THE BLOG!!! I promise to be discrete.

I will also write more about random lifestyle issues, color issues, gender issues and whatever else I deem rant-worthy. The title “The Black Snob” is a touch misleading as the blog really isn’t about traditional “snobbery.” A joke wrapped inside another joke, it refers to internal class issues within the black community and isn’t necessarily an endorsement of “Our Kind of People” (nor a diss). Mine is more of an intellectual snobbery, as in, my head almost exploded while watching a Tyler Perry film earlier this year and I think DL Hughley has no business on CNN. In real life I’m a nerdy, self-described hobohemian — a broke, over-educated artistic drifter with a laptop. But “The Black Artistic Hobohemian Nerd Intellectual Snob” just wasn’t as pithy.

That said, keep the ideas, suggestions and love coming. Thanks to everyone who’s donated a dollar or more to the blog. On the right side there is a panel listing all the donors who have contributed (the “Snob All-Stars” list). You all rock!

Back to my vacation (sort of)!

Danielle B. aka “The Snob”

Written by blacksnob

November 18, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Posted in The Snob

Glitter and Chuckles Host The Black Snob Open Thread

with 8 comments

Hey ya’ll! The Black Snob is on vacation so Nick and I are babysitting her page! Yeah! This is going to be fun! It’s going to be all butterflies and rainbows until Danielle comes back! I love it.

Danielle says Nick and I are the hotness because everyone writes about Jay-Z and Beyonce but she’s long grown bored with them, especially since they don’t take pictures as wild as Nick and I do. No, Danielle, aka “The Snob,” loves the drama and ever since J. Lo went and got herself domesticated all she has left are me, Naomi Campbell and Kimora Lee Simmons keeping it insane in the streets!

So until she comes back from her little two week holiday you’ll have us hosting The Black Snob Open Thread. You can discuss us (I encourage it personally. We are the only thing that matters!) or you can chat about the news du jour! Post links! Ideas! Tips on how Nick and I can keep the homefires burning! Comments on how sexy I look, all sexy like a Lisa Frank notebook cover meets a Playboy centerfold meets and bedazzled biracial unicorn.

Or … you can answer Snob’s “Questions of the day.”

BORING!

Or talk about sexy my ass is. You know? Important stuff. I mean, my ass is the hotness, right? That’s not a 38-year-old’s ass. That’s an eternally young booty of forever sprinkles and rainbows tightness. I’m turning myself on, it’s THAT SEXY. Nick loves it. But I’ve already said too much.

Seriously tho. My ass. HAWT.

Anyway, boring stuff now. Blah, blah, blah. The Snob Question of the Day is —

Who are going to be the NEW hot power players in an Obama administration? Long-time Obama family friend and adviser Valerie Jarrett is in charge of the transition team and you know she’s gonna get a glittery tight position in the White House. Who’s gonna be a star in the starchild’s administration?

Keep it sparkle ponies!

Love,

Mimi

Written by blacksnob

November 10, 2008 at 12:00 pm

On The Black Snob, From the Desk of Glitter and Chuckles

with 13 comments

Dearest Black Snob readers,

Did I tell you guys that you’re the best?

You’re the best. You’ve made this small blog the little blog that could this political season and now after enduring this historic presidential election, I’m taking a brief respite from the blog.

I won’t be staying away completely (I’ll still drop in occasionally), but for the next two weeks, no more six or seven posts a day.

Sorry!

I need the break. But this seemed like the best time for a rest (even though I feel bad for leaving all the newbies in the lurch. May I suggest you skimming through the archives? Got a lot of TJ Holmes news in there.) Plus, I haven’t worked on my fiction in months and I need to start hatching out “The Black Snob 2.0.”

The details are still being worked out there, but I want a new site (with Secret Council of American Negroes incorporated into the larger parent site). I want to retool things to return the site to some balance. Sure, I’m still going to write about President-Elect Barack Obama, the Obama family and politics, but I’ve gotten away from my other passions of pop culture, music, entertainment, art, history, international affairs, ethnicity and gender. I’ve set the redesign launch date for the Inauguration, January 20, 2009.

I’ll be working out my ideas (and looking for your suggestions) on “The Black Snob 2.0” on Facebook and on this blog. Feel free to send me your opinion via my email or on Facebook. And I’ll continue to drop in and say a thing or three, but for the most part I’m going to try to really, really, really Focus On My Career 2.0 and Sleeping In A Lot 2.0.

Oh. And until I come back full-time I’ll put posting random pictures of my new “friends,” Glitter and Chuckles, who I find myself loving more with each passing day. They’re pictured here above in London. Notice how Glitter is making the photo all about her.

Yeah. Work the paps, Mimi. Work it!

Yours truly in blackness,

The Snob

Written by blacksnob

November 7, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Whatever Happens, Folks …

with 10 comments

1) No more George W. Bush.

2) No regrets.

3) I’m going on a blog vacation/hiatus after November 8. I’ll be taking a break to rest and to retool the blog which has been almost wall-to-wall Barack Obama for months. I’ll still drop by, but the updates won’t be regular in any way, shape or form and I’ll keep everyone updated on Facebook. (If we aren’t friends on Facebook yet don’t you think it’s time?) But The Snob, re: Danielle C. Belton in real life needs a break. I’m exhausted. Plus, I need to figure out the next step for me, my career, the blog and the numerous screenplays and half-finished novles I’ve neglected due to The Black Snob. The site also needs a bit of a redesign and I need to design some new Black Snob swag to sell on my Cafe Press account for the holidays.

That said, I appreciate every donation I get because, for real, I am a poor person. And I couldn’t do this without your support. Please continue to send me your hope and your change (the kind that jingles and folds) into ye olde PayPal account.

Once again, friend me on Facebook. I’ll be tossing out ideas on the site, looking for feedback. I want you to be part of the conversation!

That said, back to the election! CNN has called Vermont for Obama and Kentucky for McCain. Dem. Mark Warner is being projected to win the senate seat in Virginia.

Written by blacksnob

November 4, 2008 at 11:39 pm

Posted in 2008 election, The Snob