The Black Snob

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Hello world!

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Written by blacksnob

November 11, 2008 at 9:39 pm

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The Palin Problem

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Re: Operation The Real David Palmer
To: Election Rules and Bylaws committee
CC: Black Ops
From: Shaka Azaria, field research agent
Subj: Alternative scenarios to resolve the “Palin Problem

In light of the changing situation in Operation TRDP, I have suggested that we come up with some “alternative” scenarios to fetter Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin out of the race thus undermining the campaign of Republican rival, Sen. John McCain.

I have been in contact with Agent Ned Nanook of the North aka “Triple N,” and there are some concerns that he will not go “all the way” with his mission to ruin the campaign of his wife. Something about “loving her.” Special Agent Malveaux is doing her best to counteract this unforeseen devotion to such a woman who is not Suzanne Malveaux.

Seriously, how could anyone choose that faux school marm who’s look like Tina Fey a la a Skinamax feature called “Naughty Teacher Assistants 6: Attack of the 12 inch rulers.”

Not that I’ve ever watched such a thing.

Suzanne, when dressed appropriately with a cigarette dangling from her lips looks like a “hawt” Creole version of a Russian counter-intelligence James Bond vixen.

But that’s just my opinion.

Since there is a 30 percent chance Agent Malveaux will not be able to properly manipulate Triple N, I am suggesting these following alternatives to bait and embarrass Gov. Palin.


Scenario #1:

Media Watch. Palin didn’t show up on any of the Sunday shows the weekend of Sept. 6th. This leads me to believe that she’s basically a punk ass … you know what. All talk. No game. Even Special Agent Obama took on The Russert. Both Clintons took on The Russert. What’s so scary about Chris Wallace, Wolf Blitzer, Tom Brokaw and George Stephanopoulos? The only one worth fearing is Bob Schieffer on CBS and he only has a half hour show. How badly knifed up can you get with questions in a half hour?

Yeah, it’s with Schieffer, who was The Russert’s only real competition outside of the pugilists on “60 Minutes” who are scary as hell (except Anderson Cooper. Seriously. How did he get on there? Leslie Stahl and Andy Rooney could kick his ass and Andy can barely hold his own head up.)

Columnist/feminist writer Joan Walsh of has started her own Palin media watch (using a widget created by to see when this wunderkind is going to pop up in an interview with someone, anyone.

While our operatives in the media and on the Web apply pressure to embarrass her into showing up on any show (I mean, FOX News? She couldn’t go on Hannity’s America? It’s not like he’s going to ask a hard question other than, “Do you have legs and do you know how to use them?” He’s a pig, but a kiss as for his own kind.)

I have some “theories” that Palin is a mere empty suit who would wither under the scrutiny of the national press, but we mustn’t overplay our hand. Palin is (allegedly) good looking and smart, could adapt quickly, being able to successfully cry victim and gain sympathy points (despite declaring herself a pitbull with lipstick. Which is sort of like calling yourself a bitch. Because that’s the technical term for a female canine. A bitch. That’s all I’m saying.) Needless to say, no one would let Sen. Clinton get away with the BS, but know the Democrats, Palin could cry a river and they’d back off.

It’s totally lame and sexist but that’s how the world works.


Scenario #2:

Find way to counteract “sexist” allegations with finding “racist” allegations against her. This many be difficult. The woman married an Eskimo. She might play the “Inuit card” if there are any accusations.


Scenario #3:

Have First Class Agent Obama challenge Palin to a game of two-on-two basketball. McCain and her versus Obama and Biden.

Agent O has the edge as he can still shoot threes. Let’s see if this Palin person can take it to the rack. Biden can easily take McCain. Unfortunate war injuries have made it so he can’t raise his arms above his head, so Biden’s got that covered.

Downside: She could play the victim of getting beat at basketball by Obama who is the political equivalent of Michael Jordan.


Scenario #4:

Introduce our most secret agent, “The Priest,” to work his way into Palin’s inner circle and convince her to go more “evangelical” with her extremist views on morality and religion.

Palin has a bit of censorship, piety streak. (As mayor of Wasilla she tried to ban books and fire the popular librarian.) She’s no Libertarian. She’s an uptight, “do as I say, not as I do,” fire and damnation type.

The right player could EASILY push her over to the edge.

“The Priest” has been very successful at doing everything from getting Tom Cruise to derail his acting career to get Will Smith more roles to converting wayward black entertainers and athletes. (“The Priest” saved Chris Tucker’s soul.)

The Priest is notorious for being able to get the so-called pious to commit major faux pas. Former Sen. Bill Frist. John Hagee. Former Archbishop Raymond Burke. Pat Robertson. That one really Jesus-y Baldwin brother. Almost every sexist, racist, batshit insane uttering in America can be traced back to the work of The Priest. He’s a covert genius and our best bet at making Palin sound so insane that she will be unelectable. He’ll have her quoting Revelations and calling for the stoning of prostitutes and Mormons by the time he’s done with her.

I await your suggestions.

Written by blacksnob

September 7, 2008 at 3:02 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Bangin’ On Astroturf???

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I saw this headline when I opened up ye ol’

NFL steps up monitoring of players for gang signs

NEW YORK (AP)—The NFL is stepping up its monitoring of on-field player activities to ensure that no one is flashing the hand signals of street gangs.

The Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday that the league had hired experts to look at game tapes and identify players or team officials who might be using suspected gang signals. Violators would be warned and disciplined if the episodes recurred.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but still. Gang signs? Football? What now?

The article goes on to cite a recent incident involving the Boston Celtic’s Paul Pierce making a “menacing gesture” towards the Atlanta Hawks’ bench back in April. Of course, in Snobland a menacing gesture is a one-finger-salute, but I’m almost positive that is not what they’re talking about here. But, um … seriously? Gang signs, Roger Goodell?

“We were always suspicious that might be happening,” it quoted Mike Pereira, the NFL’s vice president of officiating, as saying of gang-related signals. “But the Paul Pierce thing is what brought it to light. When he was fined … that’s when we said we need to take a look at it and see if we need to be aware of it.”

While part of me wants to crack a whole lot of jokes here (“What team you claim, son!” or “Doesn’t Raider Nation already count as a dangerous street gang?” or “Could this mean Bill Belichick might know who shot Jam Master Jay? Because after Spygate, I’ll believe anything about the man.”) part of me knows this is really about the continued “mainstreaming” of gang culture.

There is absolutely no reason why any player in the NFL — from the multi-millionaire superstar to the guy who has to try-out every year — should be involved in gang activity and I’m going to go out on a limb and say they probably aren’t. Even the rough looking ones. They, like millions of other people, have fallen for the hype, the lure, the alleged romance and glamor of “thug life.” And it doesn’t matter even if you came from a place where their was either:

A) No thug life

B) Full of thug life that destroyed many lives including some of those close to you

People want to “keep it real.” And that includes athletes, rappers and goofy high schoolers who have bought the commercialized coolness of “Colors.” Back when Los Angeles was awakening to the reality that gangs were the worst thing to ever happen to them, the culture was being popularly exported to the rest of the country via movies and music. How in the hell did the Bloods get to Little Rock, Ark.? Or to Arkansas at all? St. Louis, which had an almost non-existent black gang culture pre-1980s, suddenly had all sorts of set-claiming mofos running about by the 1990s killing folks for Jordans and Starter coats.

Someone thought glamorizing death culture was a good thing … for business. It’s not good for much else. But if you’re a music executive or aspiring rap artist, Thug Life is the only life for you. It is so much the life that you’ll make up a Thug Lie if it means more record sales (i.e. Akon).

I’d be OK with all this “Hooray for killing black people!” if exporting Thug Life as entertainment was like exporting “Mob Life” as entertainment. I don’t know a bunch of Italian American or Irish American kids dropping dead from acting out scenes in “The Departed” and “Scarface,” dying while claiming Gambino-side and getting iced in front of the Bada Bing with tats of The Sopranos logo on their chests. But somehow black kids will get on The MySpace, claim Crip, Cripwalk on the YouTube, then get shot while “regular” walking home from school.

From wannabe kiddies with breath still fresh from Similac to frontin’ footballers, because so many want to cop the deceptive cool of gang culture the NFL is searching for possible gang signs/activity among their players. It should be a no brainer, but apparently it isn’t considering some individuals choose to hang out with people of ill repute at places of ill repute while doing things of ill repute. You have the league making rules like this when players keep getting involved in shooting altercations outside of strip clubs, being murdered or assaulted in robberies or going to the big house for illegal dog fighting.

You know? Basically doing stuff that’s way below their pay grade.

So many black people, men and women, work so hard to escape, avoid and rebuke the thug life mythology that it amazes me that there are still individuals who believe degenerative hood mentality is part of “keeping it real.” For me, keeping it real would be keeping your rich ass out of trouble and encouraging us broke folk to do the same. Color-me-disappointed, but not surprised that there are enough folks laissez-faire over death culture to not get that maybe it isn’t cool to flash some gang signs in the middle of a game.

I don’t know how you can embrace something that kills black people, of all ages, across America, everyday, but I’m sure they have some good excuses like “it’s all in fun,” “it doesn’t mean anything,” “it’s part of my culture,” blah, blah, blah …

I’m sorry that I am so lame as to want black men to not die before they turn 25. I know. That’s so not hood. Then not going to prison, living a full life, getting a job, having a family, a future. Seeing potential NOT wasted. Why do I want such things? Such lame, lame wonderful things?

I guess I’m selfish.

Written by blacksnob

July 17, 2008 at 10:01 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Fist Bump of Legend II

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Please … stop …

A “terrorist fist jab?”

From Media Matters:

During the June 6 edition of Fox News’ America’s Pulse, host E.D. Hill teased an upcoming discussion by saying, “A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? The gesture everyone seems to interpret differently.” In the ensuing discussion with Janine Driver — whom Hill introduced as “a body language expert” — Hill referred to the “Michelle and Barack Obama fist bump or fist pound,” adding that “people call it all sorts of things.” Hill went on to ask Driver: “Let’s start with the Barack and Michelle Obama, because that’s what most people are writing about — the fist thump. Is that sort of a signal that young people get?” At no point during the discussion did Hill explain her earlier reference to “a terrorist fist jab.”

Read more about the “Dap Heard ‘Round the Worldhere and at Gawker.

Written by blacksnob

June 9, 2008 at 6:16 pm

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Mission Accomplished

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TO: Lt. Dr. Stankonimilitant, Psy Ops


SUBJ: Clinton proposal

Doctor S, SCAN is in a festive mood! Folks been poppin bottles like they won the Super Bowl! Sooooooul Train blaring on every TV in HQ. Congratulations are in order! No one at SCAN has any idea how you got Senator Clinton to say “assassination” and “Obama” in the same breath, but you did it!

Dr. S, between me and you, what did you do? Drug her? Bribe her? “Promise” her a post in the Obama administration? Threaten her life? Bill’s? Chelsea’s? Photoshop pictures of her and threaten to leak them? Kidnap her family? Bill’s family? SCAN knows that you can be a bit of a loose cannon, but this is brilliant! Dr. S, I’m in line for a promotion off of what you did. I won’t forget you, bruh! SCAN execs are contemplating going on a week-long vacation. Caribbean, son! Holla atcha boy when I gets back. 1…



TO: SCAN HQ, Agent Q

FROM: Lt. Dr. Stankonimilitant, Psy Ops

SUBJ: Re: Clinton proposal

Agent Q, in all honesty, that wasn’t me. The good Dr was workin on gettin the pieces into place to bring this theater of the absurd to an end. Regrettably that was all Senator Clinton’s (un)doing. It was quite stunning to hear and rehear and rehear. The good Dr is checking on Obama’s Secret Service detail for potential problems. If harm comes to Obama, someone is gettin Stankonized, please believe. It will be the Syriana way.

Q, since you gettin big upped, what about me? Dr. S been in the field eatin ramen noodles and s**t, gathering intel for SCAN. Q, a small request. Dr. S wants to lead Psy Ops. No physical harm, no bodies except for Flava Flav. You have my word.

*Written by SCAN’s regular contributor Dr. Stankoniforous. If you have an idea or want to write for SCAN send an email to The Black Snob.

Written by blacksnob

May 30, 2008 at 1:25 am

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Super Tuesday II Hangover

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Image from Huffington Post, which has the headline “Staying Alive.” The Bee Gees would be proud:

Man, o-man is The Snob tired.

I was up until almost 1 am because I wanted to catch the rebroadcast of “The Daily Show” at midnight and ended up sticking around to watch most of the “Colbert Report.”

But enough about me. What the hell happened last night? The CNN was reporting that the black folks showed up but apparent it was the same (or less some report) than the amount that came out in 2004. Papa Snob, who is a native Texan, said Texas has a system in place meant to skewer the vote and make it difficult for black people to vote. Hence that whole Prarie View A&M drama.

Polling stations ran out of ballots. Tons of people couldn’t caucus or vote because Texan election officials didn’t accommodate for the surge of voters.

Sayeth Papa Snob this morning:

You can say you have all the people there that’s going to vote there, but they don’t vote. That’s why it kept inching up there for (Clinton). Even the Mexicans find a way to get to the polls. Everyone kept waiting for all those votes in Houston and Dallas to come in, but she kept on inching up … but you can’t get out the vote because them white folks are slicker than you.

Mind you, Papa Snob is not referring to all white folks, but the electorate power structure in every state that tends to never fix voting problems in the cities and in black districts. That every time a vote is close the stations are undermanned, in cramped quarters and magically doesn’t have enough ballots.

But racist chicanery aside, I was surprised that MSNBC and CNN called it for Clinton around 11:30 PM considering that they were still counting up ballots in Houston where Obama’s support was the strongest. But you know, if the CNN sez it, it must be true!

So this morning I got up to see what the printed press was saying. This morning’s St. Louis Post-Dispatch with its Washington Bureau Chief Bill Lambrecht reporting:

(A)fter a month-long drought, Hillary Rodham Clinton must decide how fiercely to wage a spring offensive against unforgiving odds that could scar Barack Obama in a fall campaign.

The print edition of the Post-Dispatch went to bed before the Texas results came in so the big headline only mentions Ohio and Rhode Island. But for the Clinton camp, these two wins are huge because even though mathematically she can’t reach the magic delegate number of 2,024, neither can Barack Obama. He’ll likely have the lead, but the popular vote is going to be very close.

Because of this (or in spite of it) Clinton was dropping some hints at a shared ticket – with her in the catbird seat, of course.

Asked on CBS’s “The Early Show” whether she and Obama should be on the same ticket, Clinton said:

“That may be where this is headed, but of course we have to decide who is on the top of ticket. I think the people of Ohio very clearly said that it should be me.”

Obama, who had hoped to knock Clinton out of the race on Tuesday, said he would prevail despite facing a tenacious candidate who “just keeps on ticking.” Clinton acknowledged the race was close and said it would come down to her credentials on national security and the economy.

I still don’t know about a Hillary/Obama ticket. It still think America has enough sexism and racism that they’re both going to need some white man to be their VP. (Chris Dodd? Joe Biden? Jim Webb? Colin Powell? Wait. That’s a black guy. But he’s a black guy white folks like!) Hillary also pulled another “Full Ginsburg” this morning. Keith Olbermann reported last night on MSNBC that she was going to be on all the morning shows. All. From network to cable. Even the inane FOX n’ Friends.

CNN’s commentators went all bipolar on Hillary. All week long they’ve been repeating the mantra that this time Hillary really is dead. Then she comes back like Freddie Krugar and all of a sudden they were chattering about how she could seize the nomination.

Now you all know the disdain I have for TV pundits. Mostly because most of them are party operatives with a few “neutrals” thrown in. It irritates me when people who consider themselves to be legitimate press do the punditry thing because it basically leaves people to speculate that you have a dog in that fight. That was part of the reason why I mistakenly took Roland Martin for a pro-Obama supporter. When you’re sitting in a room with Amy Holmes (conservative analyst), Bill Bennett (conservative radio host) and Paul Begala (Democratic strategist) it’s pretty easy to confuse who has a dog in the fight and who doesn’t.

Basically I’m saying, if you lie down with pundits you will be covered in bias.

That said, everyone was a flutter, save that one Conservative Hispanic analyst who’s name I cannot recall. From declaring her all but dead earlier this week, now they were all flush with Hillary excitement chattering about how she could secure the nomination. Carl Bernstein tried to be the wet blanket at CNN to remind that she still couldn’t get enough delegates to win outright.

But The Snob sez that doesn’t matter. Because Obama won’t have 2,024 delegates either by the end of this campaign.

This thing is likely going to end with Obama at an advantage but not the magic number to secure his bid. And this means the Clintons will go all the way, math be damned, unless something happens to change their minds.

Because of this, experts argue. Obama needs to get better at fending off cuts of condemnation: the Canada thing (a pro-Hillary pundit argued that if Clinton had a staffer go off the reservation she would have fired him to kill the story), the attack on his foreign policy credentials, the “is he or is he not a Muslim” ass-holiness and the Rezko albatross the Clinton camp has tried to put around Obama’s neck and strangle him with it.

From the Associated Press:

Her success Tuesday night came after she put a series of hits on Obama. She ran TV ads that questioned his foreign policy credentials — one that pointed out he didn’t call hearings on the fight against terrorists in Afghanistan and another fear-inducing piece that depicted her as the best candidate to handle an international crisis that erupts at 3 a.m. when your children are asleep.

Her campaign tried to raise more questions about Obama’s connections to an indicted fundraiser as he went on the trail. Clinton said Obama tried to pull the old “wink-wink” by talking tough on free trade in Ohio while secretly reassuring Canadians that he is no protectionist.

“He needs to figure out a way to respond quicker without being trapped into sort of the politics of squabbling,” said Democratic consultant Jenny Backus. “She slowed him down tonight by throwing a bunch of inside the beltway arguments over him, and it took him a day too long to get out from underneath it.”

With seven weeks until Pennsylvania, there’s plenty of time for the race to get even uglier.

And if the race drags on, it may not just be Clinton. Even as he was ahead with 11 straight wins leading into Tuesday, Obama made some of his toughest critiques yet of Clinton, and those are only likely to increase as he tries to force her out of the race.

“They need to run their own race, but they need to be able to turn the focus back to her,” Backus said.

Several pundits on TV, and in my family, have deduced that the Clintons will pimp the “Obama can’t win big states” storyline to win back wavering Dems. The Huffington Post is reporting that Obama will go negative to vanquish Hillary’s Kevlar pantsuit of doom. They list several quotes from different sources that alluded to the Obama camp charging against Hillary’s claims of foreign policy expertise, her Commander-in-chief credentials and Clinton’s reluctance to open up the books on her finances and the funding behind the Clinton Presidential Library.

From HuffPo:

The Obama camp appears to be laying ground for pushing back against Hillary Clinton’s latest campaign attacks, even if that means taking a negative approach themselves. The difficulty, as has been noted in the past, is maintaining the positive approach that has dominated his campaign while still drawing contrast with the Clintons.

Obama campaign manager David Axelrod claimed last night:

“If Sen. Clinton wants to take the debate to various places, we’ll join that debate. We’ll do it on our terms and in our own way but if she wants to make issues like ethics and disclosure and law firms and real estate deals and all that stuff issues, as I’ve said before I don’t know why they’d want to go there, but I guess that’s where they’ll take the race.”


You know some folks talk about “Clinton Fatigue,” but I think I have election fatigue. I totally hope that this post was coherent because I am EXHAUSTED. Between the Obamamania and the Clinton surge, the mind reels. I feel bad for the young folk and blacks who were discouraged by Texas’ rigged voting system, but I hope they don’t lose faith in the process. This is one of the best storyline’s to come out of the election, blacks and young people standing up to be counted and taking an active part in the political process.

In 1996, I was among the few of my peers who was excited about casting a ballot in that campaign. My family votes. We don’t go to church, but we vote. We bitch about politics and the government, but we still vote. I respect people’s right not to vote, but voting and the Summer Olympics are the only things I truly am patriotic for. Just as I curse and damn the US swim team when they come in for the bronze in the men’s butterfly, I go militant over our right to vote. Maybe because it was denied to black people for so long. Maybe it was because when our country was founded even the founding fathers didn’t trust a popular vote, creating the electoral college to “save” the election in case the white male landowners who had the right to vote picked the “wrong” candidate.

So keep the faith, people. I’ll be praying that the Dems do not fuck this up.

Written by blacksnob

March 5, 2008 at 4:27 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

For the Obama Fans

leave a comment »’s Obamamatopoeia: The English language, Obamafied.

Written by blacksnob

February 15, 2008 at 12:34 am

Posted in Uncategorized